Time Out

Sitting at a desk for hours on end watching brat children run the long halls of a hospital while their helpless parents/family scream and yell at them does take its toll.

So this post is sort of an irritation induced soap box, maybe some of my readers will find it helpful, maybe not, but as a parent with more kids than I have hands for, I have found these techniques to work for us.  Not to toot my own horn, but I do frequently receive compliments from friends, family and often enough, complete strangers about my kids good behavior. (So I tend to think that something we are doing actually works...) While I'm placing disclaimers... I do not actually watch the Supper Nanny, however I did catch an episode several years ago, and I liked her Time out rules.  Jon and I taught ourselves to follow them, and they've worked really well ever since. Even with Ava and Wes...

So I found this on another blog that references the Supper Nanny techniques, and it is exactly how we deal with misbehavior. I added my thoughts in italics..

Discipline/Time Outs 
When your child does something unacceptable:

· Get down to their level
· Make eye contact
· Tell them they did something unacceptable and what they did
· Warn them that if they do that again they will go to the Naughty Chair (This step is an easy one to mess up.  The child gets ONE warning. If you keep warning, they don't believe that you are going to make good on anything. This is the step that I still catch myself violating at times.  I think if I just remind them of the consequence, then they will stop... but they don't, instead they learn to push their luck.  So it is critical to always give one warning, then make good on the time out threat.  We do actually use the "Time Out" lingo and it works fine, but if your child is super stubborn... I would use naughty chair)
· If the bad behavior is repeated, take the child and sit him in the Naughty Chair (or whatever in your house is designated as time out. We found that once our kids got used to these steps, we didn't need to keep a specific chair for time out, but initially we did.)
· Explain why they are sitting there and to stay there until you come and get him (This step was the hardest one for us to stick to.  But it is the most important.  The kids need to clearly understand what they did that has them in time out.  As the parent, you need to keep cool enough to explain it to them right now, not later.  I find that doing these steps helps me calm down too, especially when they do something that really has me upset)
· The length of the time-out is determined by their age: 1 minute X their age. A timer would be useful here and a visual indication for the child to watch the time go by. (the timer was crucial initially and when doing this with younger kids. Now that A&T are older, I don't even need to actually time it so specifically anymore.)
· At the end of the time-out, the child must apologize. (I also repeat the reason for the time out right before I instruct them to apologize.  Since most of are time outs end up being because of fighting with a sibling, I usually have them apologize to me for being bad, and apologizing and hugging their sibling)
· For an older child, they can go to a “Naughty Room” that is not their bedroom and does not have a TV or other activities; it has to be a boring place.
· For a younger child, the time-out should take place in a “Naughty Chair” that is placed close-by the main play area, but again not in a bedroom or eating place. The first step of the stairs, if you have stairs, is a good place for a toddler. Either way, you cannot associate a time-out with a place where they sleep or eat or play, or else they will refuse to sleep, eat, or play there.(Since our children struggle with feeding, we learned pretty quickly how important it is for this to happen away from the table.  We usually use the office or living room.)
I'm a little surprised that this needs to be offered as advice as I see it as common sense, but it was included on the other website, so why not... 

Meal time
· If a child is still sitting in a high chair away from the table, he should be moved to the main table so he can feel he is a part of the family, he can be seen easily by all – instead of mom having to turn to see the child. This will minimize the bad-behavior at the table. A booster seat placed on a chair is good. Or just push the highchair up to the table, removing the tray, and then the child can use the table to eat off of like the rest.
Nap time· Nap time should be scheduled at a certain time each day and must end by 3pm so that the child will be able to sleep at bedtime.
· Kids resist nap time because they want to keep playing. A nap time routine will help transition the child from play time to nap time. (Lets be realistic, we try to stick to schedules, but it doesn't always work.  I had a window for nap time... between 11 and 12...  And really, if my child is out cold at 3pm, I let them sleep.)
This one is for Jon to try with Wes, who is not clingy/whiny at me usually, but from the minute Jon gets home...
Clingy/Whiny Child
The clingy or whiny child uses clinginess, whining, and other bad behaviors to get attention and get what they want. To break this cycle, you have to teach them that these things will not get them what they want.
· Go down to their level
· Make eye contact
· Keep a small distance
· Explain to them that you will listen to them when they stop clinging/whining/crying/screaming
· When they calm down, give them a hug and then ask them what they want and do it for them. If it’s something you don’t approve of, distract them with something else.
· Remove them from the situation and use distraction

Bed time
· Make a set time for bed time (You need this for sanity anyway :)
· Develop a bedtime routine: bath, brush teeth, read a book. (I started making posters for these steps to help Taylor and Liv learn to do them more independently and draw attention to the routine... also keeps us honest :)
· Place in their bed, kiss goodnight
To be fair, we have not ever had real problems with our kids going to bed.  But if your child does, give this a try....
· Phase I:
o Sit on the floor next to their bed.
o If they get out of bed, place them back in bed
o Do not talk at any time, keep silent at all times
o No eye contact at any time

· Phase II:
o Sit in a nearby room
o If they get out of bed, place them back in bed and go back out without talking or looking at him


These strategies are not going to work immediately.  Persistence and diligence is key.  For time outs, we had to put Taylor back in time out over and over and over again when we first started using the steps.  Actually, Ava too now that I am thinking about it.  Jon and I both had to remind each other at times to do ALL the steps.  It is so easy to skip one in the heat of a disciplinary moment, but it really is important to follow them all.
After 1 warning....
1: Specified Time Out place
2: Explain the offense
3: Set timer for 1min x age
4: Review the offense
5: Demand an apology and hug/kiss
6: Forget it all happened, slate is clean

Getting down off the box now....