Snowman

From Best of 2010

When the very first tiny, almost microscopic, snowflakes fell last November, the kids were nuts about making a snowman. Every flake was a nagging reminder. Then we had a big storm early in December, so Jon took them out to build a snowman. Unfortunately, the snow wasn't right for building snowmen, and it didn't happen. So...  

From Best of 2010

Today they finally got their snowman. Unfortunately though, the snow was so wet that the snowman fell down just hours after he was birthed. Guess this family isn't really very good at making snowmen huh?

Well Baby Check

Today I took Ava and Wes to their one year well baby check up.  Things started off pretty rocky as they both screamed and cried while I got them undressed.  The were reddish purple with furry while the nurse measured their lengths and head circumference and took their temperatures.  They didn't like being weighed either, but kept their dismay to little whimpers.  Once back in the room I was able to calm them both down.  Ava discovered the mirror on the wall and the paper that covers the table.  She was wiggling and patting the crinkly paper, kissing herself in the mirror, and giggling with glee.

Then the doctor came in.  Ava is incredibly intuitive.  She knew from the minute we rolled into the building that she didn't want to be there, and held a sincere look of suspicion on her face throughout the whole visit.  Rightly so, I guess.  The doctor finished his poking and prodding and moved on to Wes, who just cried and cried.  Then the nurse came in with her four syringes each.  More screaming... then we went to another room where another set of needles awaited them for blood work.  Poor things!

When all the poking was said and done, my babies were dead asleep for hours.  There isn't much to report, generally both look good.  We would like Wes to gain some weight, Ava to keep at the rate she is at (50th percentile for height and weight UNADJUSTED for prematurity!!!)  Sorry, I very proud of her...  We will have to follow up with ophthalmology though, doc thought he saw a difference in dilation of Ava's eyes when exposed to light... not sure what that might mean but maybe we'll have two girls in glasses...   We had a follow up visit with optho anyway so we'll see what they say....

Prematurity Strikes Again

Denton's Band

Before we had Taylor and Alivya I was blissfully ignorant about pregnancy.  All the babies that I had known personally were born fat and healthy, spent a couple days with their mommies in the hospital then went home to thrive and grow and change the world. Even after spending a day of my maternal health clinical as a rotation in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, I didn't appreciate all that it said.  Those babies were the unlucky few, the minority.  A few hours in the NICU doesn't allow anyone to truly appreciate the branding it does to the babies, their parents and extended families.  You don't understand the suffering, or the pure shame and guilt that a mother feels when her first act as a parent, life itself, seems a failure.

Now that we have journeyed through the NICU ourselves twice, and travel in circles where countless others have journeyed through, I am surprised at how profoundly it continues to affect me when it strikes close again.  Tonight I received a text from a very close friend which new that her water had broken and she delivered her baby boy.  He was due sometime in the early summer and therefore would not be viable now.  The tears streamed down my checks and I relived all the moments in last four years that have terrified me.  All the moments when I didn't know what the very near future held for my babies.  The day my water broke at 20weeks, the doctor insisting that we deliver to "get it over with", my incredibly naive stubbornness.   Then when all those emotions have sucked out all that I had in me, then I feel guilt.  I feel guilty about why mine survived and others didn't.  I get upset with medicine's fallibility. Why couldn't they save those babies?  Then I feel humbled.  I'm reminded about the gift that my children really are like a slap in the face reminds you to pay attention.  These are the moments when I realize just how fine that edge was that we walked and how easy it would have been for things to go another direction.

And even though I don't have millions or thousands of dollars, I have won the lottery... four times.

Can you hear me now?

Taylor and Alivya had hearing tests done in the audiology office today.  Since they were preemies hearing tests are just one of the regular follow ups that I think "normal" kids get to avoid until later.  Anyway, we went in knowing that Livi had some fluid in one ear and that Taylor's tubes that were placed in May 2008 had fallen out.

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of sitting with a child during a hearing screen at this age, let me describe it.  They have me sit in a big chair in the booth with the child on my lap facing away from me. They remind you not to prompt the child in any way, ie: turn your head at the sounds etc.  Then there is a monkey with bells that claps to get their attention right in front of them, and a bunny (or animal of choice) also with bells that clap and jingle on either side of them.  I guess the idea is that they get a reward when they turn their head in the direction of the sound (that being that the bunny lights up and makes noise).  When they are distracted, the examiner uses the monkey to draw their attention back to the front.

Now Taylor has had these exams at least five times already, so I was surprised about how curious and excited he was to see the monkey and bunnies.  The first ten minutes or so he just wanted to talk to me about them and point them out.  Then he wanted to jump off my lap so that he could "show" me the cords attached to them. When he did this I nearly lost my stoic poker face and burst out laughing.  Kudos to me for keeping it together.  So typical Taylor.

Livi has only had one other hearing exam which she passed with flying colors.  She was also very excited about the toys and props.  It was easy from my perspective to tell the difference between them.  There were a lot of tones that Taylor completely ignored and his exam took more than twice as long.  I suppose this is because she is a girl and he is a boy right!?  (sarcasm implied) I get tired of hearing this.  The differences between them cannot all be accounted for simply because of what is or is not between their legs.  Ok, soap box for another day....

Then they had their tympanics checked.  This is a simple test where a probe is placed in the ear which creates a seal.  The instrument then makes a graph on a little monitor.  If the graph has a nice bell curve, then the ear canal should be operating appropriately.   If it has a flat line, then there is fluid.  If there is a mostly flat line with a big spike then the eardrum is retracted (which might mean fluid...) So all the lines where either flat or spiked.

Now the waiting game to see what the pediatrician wants to do about it.

Calendars

Today there was a meeting at work about our permanent schedules. Our managers have been talking about re-working our schedules for years, but nothing really has come about it.  Todays meeting was to be the second meeting in a real tangible attempt to make changes to our schedule that everyone could agree with.  I informed my supervisor back in October that we were having childcare issues and that a schedule change might be necessary if I wanted to continue working there.  The major issue being that it was costing us almost as much as I make just for childcare for the six times per month that I work week days.  This is the root of my complaints regarding childcare, namely that it is so expensive that it is more economic to simply not work.

So, why do I work?  Well, I didn't really like being a stay at home mom.  I need more mental stimulation than most under fives can offer, and I found that I really needed time away from my home and family.  The old saying that abscence makes the heart grow fonder, has proven really true to me.

I hope that the meeting today, which ironically I could not attend, because of childcare, is successful.  I hope new schedules can be developed because I need to work for the money, for the time away, for the interaction, knowledge and general sanity it gives me, ironically....

Just a pic for today

From 2009, Best of

Job

Today was Jon's last day as a 3D designer for Burger Boat, a company that makes yachts.  Besides the drive (an hour each way) and the fact that the position was not permanent, I think he really enjoyed this work.  This was the first job he has had doing interior work and I think gave him a lot of good experience.  His next position is set to begin this week and will be a lot closer to home, thankfully!  We are hoping that this will be the one that will lead to permanent placement.  Job Security, such an obscure term for these times.

Photobooks

For those of you who are interested, Jon and I continue to take photos for pleasure, and have a photo blog. We recently tried out a new online photo service called Blurb to create a photo book of our children.  If you go to the blog there is a banner on the right hand side that you can click on to see our book.  I am impatiently waiting for it to arrive!

Synagis

Ava and Wes got their third round of Synagis this morning.  If i looked back a few years, I probably wrote a lot about Synagis when Taylor and Liv were the same age as Wes and Ava now. Synagis is a vaccine that is supposed to protect against and help fight a virus known as RSV (Respiratory Syncytial Virus).  RSV is a common virus that effects kids.  Children with normal immune systems fight off the virus and it appears to us more or less like the common cold.  Premature infants, however, can't fight off the virus and it turns out to be one of the leading causes of death and hospitalization.  So Synagis sounds pretty good, right?

While Synagis has protected my kids from RSV thus far, and lessened the effects of it when I believe Taylor got in his second cold season, its been a major pain in my rear.  The most annoying part about it is that it has be given every month, who likes to have their babies get shots every month?  I know that there are lots of kids out there who get daily or multiple times per day shots, and I sympathize.  I also know that they are babies and they won't remember... at least Liv and Tay don't...  Anyway, another annoying problem with Synagis, for whatever reason, this isn't one of these drug they teach parents to give... so I have to drag my otherwise healthy premature infants into a dirty germ infested doctor's office once a month during the worst season of the year in order to "protect" them from the germs and bugs.  Finally, the most annoying thing about Synagis... the COST...  Synagis costs over $3000 per month per child.  Fortunately our health insurance right now covers the cost completely.  When Tay and Liv got it, however, we had to meet deductibles before anything was covered.  And since it is given typically from October/November to April/May, we had to meet deductibles for two different years in one cold season. Talk about thousands of dollars gone in an instant.  Still, if the kids had contracted RSV, most or all of these deductibles might have been waved...

And we all thought prevention was the key...

Is it Christmas time yet?

Let me first say that I am terrible at emptying out my mailbox.  In weather that is below 40 degrees, I just don't feel the need to run all the way to the street just to get mail... most of which is junk or bills... Anyway, so its been a few days, but today, I emptied our mailbox.  In it, as usual, I found a bunch of junk mail, a bill, and New Years card from my brother in law.  The card has a picture of my brother and sister in law and their dog standing in front of their Christmas tree.  Since they live in Missouri, we didn't get to see their holiday decorations this year, but I bring this up as an example our children's intent not to let Christmas pass.

So I set the card on the table and some time later Taylor and Livi find it.  I say to them, "what is in this picture?"  Taylor chimes in first, "A CHRISTMAS TREE! It has a star on that Christmas tree!" (which I might point out here that the picture actually is cut off so that you can't see the top...) He waits a minute or so, then says "And P-R-E-S-E-N-T-S!!!!!!" While he continues to banter on about he decorations, ehem, "cords", and such, Livi says, "Oh, and Greg and Sonja!" Like she is just now noticing that there are people in the picture. So I said to them, "who else is in the picture?"  They look at each other in adorable confusion.  What does our mental mother mean by "who ELSE is in the picture!"  So I restate my question, "is Casey (the dog) in the picture?" Now Casey is full grown black lab, but not one, but both my children look at the picture and swear on my life that Casey is not in the picture.  And then they go off chatting about their aunt and uncle's Christmas tree and how their mother took down their Christmas tree, and (insert gasp here) put it in the basement.

I simply don't know how these children are going to survive the next three hundred and forty seven days!

Education

Sorry, no fun pictures in this post, Jon hasn't had a chance to upload the pics from the big birthday bash yesterday...  sarcasm implied...

The babies each had a cupcake for their birthday, the results were as predictable as church on Sundays, Ava dived in and Wes wasn't going there.  Taylor and Livi were stoked about unwrapping their gifts, and the Packer's lost even though they had the first possession in OT.  Predictable.

Today I met with a woman from head start about enrolling Taylor and Alivya in preschool.  Since they have been isolated for health reasons for many years, their social skill leave something to be desired.  I have been trying to weigh our options for a bit, but feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all.  If you make decent money you can pay pretty exorbitant amounts to put your kids in "school" for as long or as little as you wish.  If you are dirt poor, you can enroll them in head start, which has options from as little as a couple of visits a month to as much as every day for up to six hours.  Yeah, six, and from what I can tell, its completely free.  If you are like us, you are too rich to be poor and too poor to be rich, and your kids get nothing.

Lucky for us though, when Jon lost his job, we suddenly were eligible for food share assistance, which automatically makes you eligible for medicaid, which makes you eligible for WIC, which makes you eligible for childcare assistance (provided you meet certain income limits) which makes you eligible for head start.  So by this extremely long and unlikely chain of circumstances, our children qualify for poor people preschool, and as soon as an opening presents itself, will be able to begin working on the socializing issues that they have acquired from being considered immunocompromised and thereby restricted during the months of the year that children are generally encouraged to be social.

The moral of the story?  We really do live in a very messed up world!

Happy 1st Birthday to my last little babies

Happy Birthday Ava and Westli!

Anybody who knows me pretty well, knows that I am a baby person.  I love babies, except for the sleep deprivation (see post from yesterday), I love having babies around, I love watching them grow and develop, and knowing that these are my last babies has been really hard to live with.  If I had great singleton pregnancies that were uncomplicated and the full forty weeks, we might have more, but there not.  So as much as I hate it, Ava and Wes will always be my babies.

So this will be the second and last first birthday that we celebrate for our children.  I will never have these tiny babies of my own again:

From 2009, Best of

Consequently though, we will also never have these tiny babies anymore:

From 2009, Best of

From 2009, Best of

Hopefully we will also not feel like this anymore:

From 2009, Best of

(Hopefully Daddy doesn't kill me for that one also...)

So my point here is that there are definitely some real UPS to not having anymore kids, but some major downs too.

On A&T's first birthday I remember having a lot of confusion about what to feel. I was angry that they never made it close to their due date, I was upset about how delayed they were, nervous about all the milestones I didn't know if they would ever achieve that they should have already achieved. Yet, I was so happy to have them at all.  We struggled with how to celebrate, should we celebrate their actual birthday or the one they were supposed to have?  I can't even do this struggle justice right now.

For Ava and Wes, it is very different.  I haven't even thought about their due date much.  I never considered celebrating on any other day than today. I still wonder about their milestones, but I know that they will come, eventually.  It bothers me that Wes won't be able to sit for this little birthday party, but not at all in the same way that I worried about Taylor.  Today I am happy that they had a relatively healthy first year.  I hope I enjoyed every minute of it (within reason, which means the hours between 12 and 7am don't count) like it was my last.  Sometimes I really like that Wes still likes to curl up and be my baby, though I know this can't go on forever :(  Today we celebrate how this:

From 2009, Best of

And This:

From 2009, Best of

Became this:

From 2009, Best of

Happy Birthday Babies!!!

Feedings and Sleep

We were really spoiled by Alivya, we just didn't really know it.  Alivya came home from the NICU just three days prior to her due date.  She was around 5lbs and ate only 2 ounce bottles at a time.  This changed fairly quickly though and by the time Taylor came home two and half months later, she was eating 8 ounce bottles and sleeping from 9-10pm until 8am almost every night.  Since Taylor never actually ate from bottles with any amount of success, we only had Alivya to consider in terms of the sleeping through the night issue.  She did it so easily and effortlessly that we never actually appreciated how nice it was to sleep after only two months of having a baby at home.

Wes and Ava are polar opposites with respect to feeding and sleeping.  Ava ate well for a while, but in last several months she has regressed to sort of grazing all day long.  Four ounces here, seven ounces there.  She started on solids in August and did well for a while, but again regressed to a point where she is refusing most solids now. This morning I gave her some graham crackers, which she loved, and spooned her solids in while she gnawed on the crackers.  She seemed accepting of this until she got a bigger chunk of cracker than she could handle, when she proceeded to vomit just about all the solids I coaxed into her.

Wes eats his solids pretty well, but still fusses with bottle feedings.  He will eat about 3 to 4 ounces per feeding, which makes me crazy.  I could cut out at least one, if not two feedings per day if he would take the more standard 6-8 ounces per feeding.  If I had only one baby, this grazing probably wouldn't bother me as much, but having two grazers is making life pretty miserable.  Frankly I don't have enough time in the day to make sure the rest of us get fed if I feed the babies on this schedule.  This in itself is frustrating, but the fact that I simply can't maintain this schedule means that the babies also wake up during the night makes it all so much worse.  Some nights one of them will sleep, but the other gets up, most nights both get up, but very very rarely do both sleep an entire night through.  And I must disagree with most "experts" who say that "sleeping through the night" is equivalent to having a child who sleeps from midnight to five am.  Sorry, I need, no NEED, more than five hours of continuous sleep.

On the eve of their first birthday, it is my opinion that these adorable little beings that give me so much joy when they smile and giggle, simply must learn to eat so that a) I can accomplish more than feeding and changing them all day and b) I can get a NORMAL nights sleep, EVERY night!

This is what keeps them alive:

From

From 2009, Best of

Second term

After Jon lost his job we talked a lot about what would be best for our future.  I always intended to finish the nursing program that I had started before we had Taylor and Alivya, but I didn't anticipate how much trouble it would be to transfer those credits.  This summer we agreed that I should finish, even if I had to pretty much start over.  I have decided that the most inexpensive option is the local technical college. While this option appears to be the cheapest, it may take a really long time.  The waiting list, or whatever they care calling it these days, is pretty long. Once I finally get into "core" classes, the program will be full time, but will take only four semesters... I guess...  So next week I will start my second term in the waiting game.  I will take one online course that is basically only to keep me as an active student while I wait.

Snow

From 2009, Best of

Snow has been another big interest for the kids this winter. This picture was taken about a year ago towards the end of the snowy season last year.  We took the kids out for the first time just to play in the snow.  They didn't particularly like getting ready for it, and Taylor really didn't like being out in the cold for very long, but Livi just loved it.  She might have played out there for much longer if we could have.

So it was not too surprising this fall that they were very excited about snow.  Every time we got a few little light flurries falling from the sky they whined and complained about wanting to make a snowman.  For a month all I heard about was building "snowmans".  December 8th we finally got some real snow, and Jon bundled them all up to go out to build the snowman.  Unfortunately though, the snow was not the right consistency and even though Jon tried, he could not build a snowman. The kids were pretty happy still the same.  They still get excited when snow falls, but I will be excited when the snow is done falling.  I think I have come to appreciate Jon's love of spring, summer is too hot, winter is too cold, and fall just means winter is so much closer... guess that leaves spring... :)

Pretend

Livi and Taylor have really come to a place where pretend is more than just singing into fake microphones or talking on anything that resembles a phone.  They spend time now creating stories and worlds with their toys which they seem to totally understand.  I understand only bits and pieces of it, but it amuses me what parts they take from our world.  The other day they were playing and I over heard them talking about going to California.  They have an aunt and uncle who live in California, but otherwise this is not a big topic of conversation around here.  So I was surprised to hear them picking up on that, there are many places that we talk about a lot more that I have not heard them talk about in their play.  Sometimes I hear them talking about things and I choose to inquire.  Just a few minutes ago, Livi was talking about Jon Stanis, so I said to her, "Livi, Jon Stanis is your daddy." She proceeded to inform me that she knew that Jon Stanis was daddy and that I was her mommy and Taylor's mommy too.  So I asked her if she knew my name, which she told me was Mommy.  I said, "I am Mommy, but Daddy's name is Jon, do you know my name?"  I was totally shocked to hear her say Julie.

From 2009, Best of

It is fascinating to me how they have sort of emerged from this place of not really understanding anything around them, and in a really short period of time, they suddenly understand so much.  I find myself thinking about things more than I had before, like what programs I watch while they are around.  Livi is so adept at picking up on TV programs and movies.  I was watching her face the other day while a more adult like movie was playing, I don't remember which one, but it was at a point were the characters where very happy and joyous.  Even though she probably didn't understand why they were so happy, I could see this expression of pure joy on her face and I knew that she understood the overall emotion of the moment.  This is very different from Taylor, who will do this occasionally (usually during kid movies) but usually just ignores the TV.  Just another example of how much I love watching their development.

From 2009, Best of

Taylor continues to find hours of entertainment in pluging in and unpluging any chord that he can find.  I can't understand the fascination, but we try very hard to embrace his interest while still keeping his environment safe.

From 2009, Best of

Potty business

From 2009, Best of

I think the last time I posted about potty training I was probably pretty frustrated. In the first weeks of November, I told Alivya that I went to the store to get more diapers for her, but he store said that they were out. I told her that the store said she was too big for diapers and she would have to use the potty. We spent three days doing the naked method again, then I put underwear on her and told her that underwear were not diapers and she must keep them dry. She did pretty darn well, and kept them dry. She had no accidents. I put pull ups on her when we went out and when she took a rare nap, and of course at night, but otherwise, she wore underwear and she kept them dry. We rewarded heavily with stickers, treats, and little toys, and pretty quickly weaned her from pull ups at all during the day. Within a week I was able to get her to sit on the cushy tushy on the big potty, and just a few weeks after that we weaned her from pull ups at night. Just after Christmas she wanted to spend the night at her grandmas and when we picked her up the next day we forgot her cushy. At first we thought we would have to go back and get it, but instead we told her it was at grandma's house and we couldn't get it. So she used the regular potty with out anything... the next day her grandma dropped it off, but we put in a closet and she has not asked for it since. So in less than two months she not only potty trained, but weaned off all the extra supportive things including potty chairs, diapers, and treats and rewards. She can do it all by herself from realizing she needs to go to flushing, putting away her stool, and turning off the light. We had some trouble getting her to go poo, but a little bit of ice cream incentive and a push with a laxative broke those fears too. I am super proud of her. Back when we were struggling so much, I never thought she would do so well so fast. She occasionally doesn't make it in time, and once or twice wet the bed, but I think these are small set backs in the big picture.

Taylor really seems to understand potty training and the need for it, but he can't seem to understand when he has to go or if he is wet.  I think he is in denial about being wet since he will be honest sometimes, but not others.  I really do think that he can't tell when he has to go, and until we can find a way to help him recognize those signs, potty training just isn't going to work for him.  He tells me he wants to be a big boy and wear big boy underwear, he can tell me that pee pee and poo poo go in the potty and not in his pull up, he can pull up the pants and underwear/pull up, but he can't seem to tell when he is going to go.  In fact sometimes he sits on the potty and I say, "did you go?" and he says "yup" but there is nothing there.  Even though he sees that there is nothing there, he will insist that he went and it is in there (the potty bowl).  Livi is most upset about this, she wants him to wear big boy underwear more than he wants to.  She says, "but Taylor IS a BIG boy!" Its very cute, and I hope that he will be ready soon.

From 2009, Best of

From 2009, Best of

No more school

When Taylor turned three he was discharged from the county's Birth to Three program where he had been receiving services for speech and language, physical therapy, and early intervention education.  Kids like Alivya (who had also received these services at some point in her first three years) graduate and move on to traditional preschools, but kids like Taylor, who continue to demonstrate a need for services are thrust into the local school district.  This transition was terrifying and generally pretty clumsy for us.  It really helped that I was a hormonal mess when it happened and the first day of "school" fell on the first day following the biggest ice storm that I had seen since I was in high school, at least ten years before then.  It also helped that I went into premature labor, delivered two more babies pretty early, and Jon broke his arm.  My point is there were a lot of unrelated road hazards along the way.

By fall, though, a bunch of these things had resolved and some of the related hazards had also resolved, and we were running like a well oiled machine (we being the school, the cab, Taylor, and myself).  Taylor had his annual EIP meeting in November to discuss where he is and where we are going with regard to his continuing need for services to help him "catch up" to his peers. We have felt that Taylor's progress has been steady and his gains are not difficult to see.  His speech has exploded in the last year, he is following directions better and with more understanding than ever, he learned his colors, somewhat unconventionally, but learned them none the less.  Taylor's physical issues remain some dis-coordination when running or walking briskly, but have otherwise resolved.  So there were a few things at his EIP that were not surprising.  PT felt that he was able to safely navigate his surroundings and play areas, which is really the only consideration for having physical therapy in the school district.  I will continue to monitor his general coordination and follow up with his physical rehab doctor and pediatrician as I see necessary, otherwise he has been discharged from PT.  His speech and language teacher, who has always given Taylor due credit for the progress he has made given his history, continued to beam at his progress.  I expected this, and I expected that she would want to cut some of his services, but I did not expect her to cut as much as she did.  Taylor went to "school" for a half hour twice a week to meet with her, now he will meet with her only once per month at our play group.

I think if this were Alivya she would understand more since she adores the idea of going to "school".  She tells me all the time that now she uses the potty (another post) so she is big girl and can go to school.  So far we've been able to satisfy this order by calling the Thursday morning play group "school", but I don't really know how long that is going to work.  Taylor on the other hand was probably more attached to his "cab" who was responsible for getting him to and from school than actually the school itself.  I don't think he has realized yet that the cab should have been coming to bring him to school, but when he does, I think he will be sad.

As I always have been, I am reserved about all of this.  I super happy that she thinks he is doing well enough to see her so little, but I worry about him keeping his momentum.  It was his speech teacher who asked me if I though Taylor was "closing the gap" between him and Alivya.  The answer is yes, he is "closing" the gap, but the gap remains.  There is a lot of debate in this house about whether this gap is simply the difference between a boy and a girl, the difference between one unique child and another, or if it continues to reflect the delays that he has always exhibited...  I just want progress to continue, I don't want him to fall behind again because we withdrew these services too quickly.

From 2009, Best of

I am super humbled as I realize the things that I could be worrying about with regard to Taylor's development and future, but still I worry because I am his mommy and its my job.

From 2009, Best of

Another year older

Today is my birthday. For many people, this year would be the first of my last birthdays, but I don't mind birthdays too much. There have been a lot of things in recent years that have reminded me that I am in fact getting older, even though I don't usually feel "old". My kids turning four, my nephew turning 11, my ten year high school reunion, the babysitter telling me that one of my best friends was her teacher... all things that remind me that time is passing. I am sure in the next decade this list will be more depressing and probably more profound, but for now it is what grounds me in reality.

I had a wonderful birthday. I went to dinner with my mom, husband, and his mom. We went to a local fondue restaurant called The Melting Pot. It was a very unique experience. The meal is served in four courses, each of which (except for the salad) are meant to be dipped/cooked in the fondue (the first is cheese based, the second is a salad, the third was the entree and broth based, and finally a dessert chocolate based). Everything was bite sized, so it didn't look like much, but was very satisfying. It was good for conversation and definitely perfect for spending some time away from the children. To love your children is definitely to want to spend at least a moment away from them, but not too many moments :)

Anyway, after all that, I also received some very nice gifts, things that I have been tempted by many many times, but never felt justified to actually buy for myself.

Cuisinart Professional Food Processor

Wacom Bamboo

I played around with the Wacom and created this:

From 2009, Best of

Too much fun!

Thanks Mom, Kay, and Jon!

Christmas 2009

From 2009, Best of

Obviously I am backtracking here a bit, but this holiday season was filled with a lot of work to be done. I've never felt so much like swimming up stream. I don't think that I am working too many more shifts, but I think the spacing of them has given me this feeling of not being able to get things done. It helps that five out six birthdays also fall within 16 days of Christmas. Anyway, Christmas this year was a really big deal for Alivya and Taylor. They told me about things they remembered from last Christmas, and where super excited about everything related to Christmas this year. I never did get a video of it, but Taylor dragged every person who stepped foot into the house into our "library" where the tree was, and exclaimed "We have a Christmas Tree!!!!" Then he would throw open his arms and giggle with glee. It was incredibly adorable. He showed everyone everyday, even if he also just showed that same person the day before. It never got old for him.
Everyday they both talked about Santa and presents, cookies and reindeer, and bells and snowmen. Everything about Christmas was huge and amazing and so very exciting.

From 2009, Best of

Even now, they continue to jabber on about how Christmas will be here again. When we took the tree down, Taylor was distraught. I never felt more grinch like. He said to me,"Mama, Where you take mines tree?" Just like a little boy Cindy-Lou-Who. I said, "Taylor, I am bringing the tree downstairs, and will bring it back next year." Which felt just like a big grinchy lie, even though it wasn't. It was like ripping his tiny heart out... poor excited kiddo.
The kids had a wonderful Christmas. The movie Up has been huge in the past couple months, so they both asked Santa to bring them a balloon. Santa did not disappoint, Christmas morning they woke to find one pink balloon for Livi and one blue balloon for Tay, as ordered.

From 2009, Best of

They were also given some adorable clothes, lots of new toys and games to discover. I am not sure if they totally understood the giving part of Christmas this year, but they did seem to understand that it wasn't all about them. They enjoyed the annual viewing of A Muppet Christmas Carol, and understood more about what was going on then I really imagined they would.
Wes was tired and cranky for most of the holiday. I think there were too many people and too much noise and excitement for him. I am sure next year will be little bit better. Ava, like usual, just rolled with the punches. She was amiable, happy at times, zoned out at others, but generally content.

From 2009, Best of

Santa went over better this year than last, though neither of my big kids wanted to smile. Taylor didn't cry, he told us he was going to be "big" about it, but he certainly wasn't happy. Santa was more afraid of Ava and Wes than they were of him. Must be a first for him... He kept repeating, "don't get the beard!" Seriously I think Santa might need to seek some professional help for this :)

From 2009, Best of

From 2009, Best of

Welcome 2010

Jon and I rang in the new year quietly at home over a couple mild Mimosas. After I got home from work with less than an hour of 2009 left, we turned on the movie Public Enemies and allowed the year to pass almost without notice. While 2009 gave us Ava and Westli, 2009 also gave us lay offs and financial chaos. Goodbye 2009, fond farewell. Obviously we don't know what 2010 will have in store for us, but I can at least hope that it could be better than 2009. So bring it on, WELCOME 2010!

Last post of the year

I am not big on making New Year's Resolutions, but subconsciously I think I resolve to make more regular posts on this blog every year... I have noticed that I generally post the most in January and slowly slough off until there is like one or two posts in December. Sorry, I guess I get so consumed in my life that I forget to keep a record. Anyway, this is the last blog post for 2009, and is just a couple things that I forgot to post, but want to remember someday.

Ava has been meeting some milestones: Ava has been sitting since mid October, and is working on getting in and out of sit on her own. Right now she gets out by leaning over one leg like a stretch and waiting for her legs to sort of give in to nature and flip her over. It is painful to watch, but doesn't really bother her much. She gets into sit when one of us puts her there, for now. In the first week of December, she began to discover the power of her arms. She started by moving in circles, pivoting around her belly, then she started to pull just a bit, and now, moves anywhere she desires by powering along those cute chubby arms. She is just starting to involve her legs some, but is pretty mobile just with the army crawl. She also has been drooling buckets for months, but in November she started gnawing on everything, bottle nipples, toys, furniture, and she got pretty cranky. Everyday I checked her gums hoping that it would be the day that I could say the tooth was in... finally on December 30th, Jon felt a tiny little sharp object poking ever so slightly through her top left gum. FINALLY!

Wes is pretty content continuing to do what he does, ROLL. Wes likes to be curled up and rolling. He doesn't really do it to get anywhere, but more or less to be in some other position. He is starting to have some interest in toys, if they happen to fall into his hands anyway. We are working on sitting, but it is hard to sit when you prefer to be curled up like a ball. Wes' biggest accomplishments in the last few months have been in eating solids. He takes up to three 3.5oz containers of baby food per day mixed with cereal. He loves to eat solids and doesn't seem to have many preferences in terms of vegetables verses fruits.

From 2009, Best of

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Happy Birthday Livi and Tay!

Alivya and Taylor were born at 2:30 and 2:27 on this day four years ago. Their birth was sudden, frightening and unexpectedly expected... They were tiny, sick, and their future was as unpredictable as chaos itself. I don't think back to their birth with excitement and joy, but I have immense pride when I think of their journey. As we celebrate their fourth year, I have echos of the cautious predictions that were placed for them. The chances of survival, the chances of mental handicap, the chances of physical handicaps... so many numbers but at the center of all of them were children who belonged to me. They were so beautiful to me, and every step they've achieved along the way has added to my pride, my joy for them. Today they become four, they're not toddlers anymore, my oldest children are preschoolers. You'll have to excuse this nostalgia I just can't remember when they grew up. It was like suddenly they were these tiny adults, and not pudgy cute babylike kids.

This year's toys of choice turns out to be trains and extension chords. They have a Thomas the Tank Engine cake, and are so excited about it being their birthday. They seem to understand that they are four and not three anymore. They are excited about presents, cake, and the joyous expectations of Christmas haven't yet worn off.

Auction

So you might be getting tired of my posts about this, but it is really important to me to do what I can to help this family who are selflessly choosing to bring another person into their family. I confess that I copied most of this post from another blogger friend of ours, but I just didn't have the time today to put together my own post... which probably would have looked a lot like this any way, and Cindy did it so well... I wasn't able to figure out the photos though, so you might just want to read it on her blog at the link above... Anyway, her is a little bit about Michelle and why this auction is so important. Please stop by Lily's blog to check out the auction too!



Here is their story (Michelle and Brian have 3 beautiful children; Karly, Braden, Ruby (who's twin died before birth and has Down syndrome) and a beautiful Angel daughter, Lydia.)

"New Adventures
Last week, this beautiful little girl started showing up across the Internet, on many DS blogs:

Lera

Little Lera was in danger of being institutionalized. Look at that beautiful little face - she deserves a home and a family. It wasn't her choice to be born in a country where she has no value in society.

I just couldn't look away; I worried about her day & night. She had about a week to find a family. I contacted Reece's Rainbow, and told them if they can't find her a family, let me know.

Brian & I had always talked about adopting SOMEDAY - but we had thought we'd adopt a younger girl - SOMEDAY.

A couple days ago, word went around that a family had committed to Lera. I was so relieved - and a little sad that she wouldn't join our family. Then, I was THRILLED to find out Lera will be going home to my friend Tracy's home! Lera's journey will be followed on her new adoption blog!
This experience definitely triggered some interesting conversations between Brian & I ...

We have a house set up for a family of 6. We were prepared to have 4 children, and losing Lydia leaves a permanent empty space in our home.

We know we can never replace Lydia. Her loss will always be with us.

And we're very certain we don't want to have another baby; going through a pregnancy would just be too stressful. Too many reminders of what could go wrong.

And yet, we're missing a daughter, and what would be the best way to honor her memory? By keeping an empty chair at the dinner table, or by bringing home a child who doesn't have a family?

After all the discussions we'd had about little Lera, it suddenly became clear to us that were we to adopt, we'd want an older child - someone between Ruby & Braden in age, a little girl who would otherwise be destined to being sent to an institution and left there with no future. This would keep Ruby our baby, and another little sister for Karly & Braden.

We figured we'd start planning & saving up - and adopt when the time was right.

I told Brian to check out the at-risk girls on the Reece's Rainbow website. There were a few that stood out to us, but one who repeatedly drew our attention.
.
For one thing, she is a twin. She was given up at birth for having Down syndrome, but her twin was taken home. We lost a twin - and this little girl is a twin without a family. We lost Lydia, and found a little girl named Lilya.

Most children are sent from their orphanages to the institution at the age of 5 - Lilya turned 5 in August. It's amazing that she's still available for adoption.

So, we can't sit aside and wait and plan. We have to just jump in and go for it - and bring this little girl home. To our home, and make it her home.

Yes, it's expensive - but what is a life worth? It won't be easy, but the best things rarely are.

This is Lilya - soon to be Lily.


Our daughter Lily. "

So, with all that said, the Zoromski's are having an Auction to help raise money to bring Lily home, Please if you are looking for Christmas gifts, please go and check it out. Every penny will help.

* Auction ~
Our auction to help raise funds for Lily's adoption started today on Lily's blog. It will run until next Tuesday, December 15. Please check it out - and if you could pass the word around, we'd really appreciate it!

We have so many really cool items - something for everyone!

http://ahomeforlily.blogspot.com/

A little goes a long way

I wrote an earlier post about our friends the Zoromskis who have decided to adopt a little girl into their family. Her button is located on the right side of our blog... They are doing some fundraising to help pay for some of the costs of giving this child a place to call home. So if you are able, please donate, every dollar counts. And if you are not at this time, do us a favor and link to her fundraiser page, maybe someone you know can.

Thnaks!

Prematurity Awareness Day

Oh what a busy day I have. But I have a couple of minutes between appointments to remind everyone that today is Prematurity awareness day in November (Prematurity awareness month). I usually try to post something prematurity related every day in November, but this year I am simply too busy. So please think about all the babies that you know, especially those like Taylor, Alivya, Westli, Ava, and our nephew Zachary who were all born before they should have been. Premies struggles don't end when they come home, some of them last a life time. If you can, please give to the March of Dimes to help find a cure and give EVERY baby a healthy start!!!

And if you can't, then just tell five people about the harmful effects of prematurity and ask them to tell five people.

Thanks,

J and J

Oh yeah, and Happy birthday old lady! (my sister!)

Halloween

For Halloween this year we decided to work with what we already had at home. So, Livi went as a ballerina princess and Taylor went dressed as Steve from Blue's Clue's. Livi's crown didn't fit her little head so her auntie Amy put her hair up in the most adorable little piggys!

From J&J Online

The weather also didn't cooperate too well, so door to door she looked more like this:

From J&J Online

And Taylor like this:

From J&J Online

But for Taylor it was all about the Handy Dandy Notebook... he even gave up on Blue after the second house...

From J&J Online

Unfortunately the pumpkins never made it out of the patch... They had runny noses already and we thought the cold spell would probably make them rot or something ;) But they were super cute just like Livi and Tay when they were that size...

From J&J Online

Lily

Grab This Button



Our friends over at the Zoromski Chronicles have decided to adopt into their family a little girl in need of a good home. Please support this effort in anyway you can!

Good reasons to support MOD

More than 1M preemies die in the first month annually

March of Dimes: Nearly 10 percent of world's births are premature
More than 85 percent of premature births are in developing parts of Africa, Asia
But North America has world's second-highest premature birth rate
Doctors have yet to identify a reliable remedy to prevent early labor, group says

Taylor and Livi

thing (1 of 10), originally uploaded by J & J Studios.

Tay and Livi are growing up so fast. Over the summer we've been working on giving them some "chores" and responsibilities around the house. They quickly mastered the art of getting dressed, brushing their teeth, and taking their "medicine" (vitamins) with the help of sticker rewards. Cleaning up toys has been a slower process, but bringing their own dishes to the kitchen after meals was easy. They are super careful and so proud of themselves for doing it. Potty training continues to be a big goal in this house, but has been another slow going process. Yesterday we started the "naked" method. They quickly tired of our living room, one of the few places in our house that is not covered in nasty carpet, and both wanted their pants on. They started the day pretty well by sitting on their potties while movies played on the TV. Then they each had a couple of accidents, and suddenly Livi just got it. She started asking to use the potty when her "tummy hurt", then started sitting on it whenever she felt like she needed to go. She went in the potty three or four times without being asked or told to. Really thought some progress had been made. Today she didn't go for hours, we kept asking her to sit on the potty just to try. Eventually she went, so we thought we would try pull ups... did not go so well. Three pull ups in two hours later, she didn't seem to understand that she still needed to use the potty. So, we'll try again tomorrow. Sigh, I hate potty training!

May her work continue without her...

Description of Eunice Kennedy Shriver,88, passed away today

"Her love for the athletes of Special Olympics was always just like that. She never hoped that people with intellectual disabilities should be somehow changed into something they were not. Rather, she fought throughout her life to ensure that they would be allowed to reach their full potential so that we might in turn be changed by them, forced to recognize our own false assumptions and their inherent gifts." ~The Boston Globe

Where did July go?

I personally don't remember July ever happening, do you? All the kids had check ups in July, all were good with nothing special to report. Livi finally got some new glasses, and I am proud to say that they are still in one piece. Knock on wood. Westli's colic is starting to decrease, so much that he has some days where the crying is very minimal. Those are my favorite days. He continues to battle severe reflux and seems to have seasonal allergies. His eyes are puffy and red most of the time, he constantly rubs at them too. Yesterday we broke down and gave him some Benadryl because he was so nasally congested and miserable. He slept so well after that and has been in a pretty good mood since. Can you say relief? Wes loves to "talk" and roll. He rolls and rolls and sort of slithers around the floor. His mobility is pretty effective for a kid who should be functioning around 4 months. Ava can roll, but chooses to remain fairly stationary for now. She is growing like a weed. She likes to reach and bat at toys and lifts her butt up in the bouncy chair to make it bounce. I don't remember A and T doing that at all. It super cute. Ava is drooling up a storm, every outfit is soaked by the end of the day. She also loves to chew on everything, but generally prefers blankets and burp cloths. I think we are going to see teeth real soon from her. Ava is incredibly flirtatious and giggles and smiles constantly. I love this about her personality. Wes is just starting to smile more socially. He has short periods during each day where you are guaranteed a great Wes smile. He giggles a little, but not like Ava yet. We have started transitioning Wes to a "regular" bottle, he is doing well, but it is slow going. We also started solids. Right now, of course, we are just getting them used to a spoon going in their mouths and the gritty texture of cereal. I think Ava will begin actually consuming solids this month. Wes will probably need more time though. Ava started opening her mouth for it today, but still pushes most of it out with her curled up tongue!

Livi and Taylor are at the library with Jon right now. We started a reward chart for them when they do things to "help out". They get stickers for brushing their teeth, taking their vitamins, getting themselves dressed/undressed, picking up toys, bringing their dishes to the sink after meals, and, of course, sitting on the potty. A battle that we have been loosing thus far. For the most part these charts remind us that we have to help them do these things everyday. I think it has made us better parents already. We have also decided to pickup our tattered battle flag and raise it for the cause... POTTY, HERE WE COME. I am very determined this time, I really think with persistence we will get there, at least with one of them. Wish us luck, I need all the encouragement I can get!

Back, Back, Back to School

So I decided to try to finsih what I started back in 2004, and since June 4th I have been busy completing the first requirement, my Certificate for Nursing Assistant. Today I completed the classroom/clinical portion of the class, now I have to complete a state certification exam before I technically become certified. I have to send in an application for this and wait for them to assign me a date and time. Isn’t that how it works, hurry up… wait… Anyway, I haven’t been in school since Taylor and Livi arrived, so I had some minor anxiety about tests and stuff, but I finished the course with a 97%, so I guess that isn’t too shabby J It was annoying to shuffle around work, school, family etc, but during the time the course ran, I travelled to Missouri for four days and had an extended forth, and managed to get all my course work done without a problem. So for me, it definitely was managable. I am sure things would be different if Jon had also been working. For now, I am going to take advantage of the time that he is home.

I am taking an entrance exam (called the Accuplacer) on Monday. I have to prove that even after five years I can still do college level math and write appropriate sentances… I am not too concerned about this, but it is one more thing. Hopefully I will be able to begin taking some core level classes in the spring, if not this fall. Timing on this has not been great, but maybe waiting a semister will help us figure out where Jon will be sitting. Flexablity is something that technical schools all tout, but in reference to medical programming, it seems to me that demand has trumpted this. Therefore, I am not sure if our family sittuation is going to make things easy in terms of school, but we shall see. For now though, I sit in limbo, waiting to see what I can accomplish with what I have.

So for now,

“Schools OUT for Summer”

I am two hours into a 12 hour shift that is dragging, you will have to forgive my sense of humor…

For those of you not on Facebook

He rolls


He smiles


She is cute


On the boat with their aunt Sonja


On the beach with uncle Greg


He just wants some love


Hanging with Casey in Columbia


Playing in Greg's back yard


Looking cool at the lake




Not so sure about those water fountains

I just can't be Happy

This will have to be a quick update since Ava, just can't be happy right now. The babies had their 6 month pediatric check up on Tuesday and an Opthalmology appointment yesterday. Everything is going well. Ava weighed 14lbs even and has been super cranky all the time recently. I think she just "doesn't" get "enough" attention. This of course is according to her. I think she gets plenty. Anyway, Wes was 10lbs 12oz. The doctor thinks that he is suffering from environmental allergies. He has puffy red eyes most of the time, rapid breathing, congestion and sometimes pussy eyes. He doesn't want to treat with anything right now, but that could be in his future. The eye doc said they both look good right now, NO GLASSES. She will see them again in the spring, but wants us to watch the "allergy" symptoms with Wes. So all good news there.


Well, best go see if Ava wants to eat or if she just wants something to giggle at.