Long Days

Dad moved in with us on Tuesday. He arrived just after noon. In most ways, the new addition to our home has been exactly what we expected it would be. Every minute of my day is filled with cares, cleaning, or preparation for later. This morning while making breakfast, testing Dad's blood sugar, and getting him up from bed, I was also making our dinner and preparing for tomorrow's dinner. While making lunch, testing Dad's blood sugar, and putting the kiddos down for naps, I was also making myself a lunch for while at work, mixing formula for Taylor, making bottles for Alivya, changing Dad's sheets, and making a list for things that Jon needed to remember to do tonight. I feel like I have to stay six steps ahead to stay afloat. This doesn't really come as a surprise to me, but my body was definitely not as physically prepared for it as it was mentally.

I had Dad's hospice care switched to a new provider, and so far, I think it is working wonderfully. The nurse that is working with Dad has been over everyday since he has been home. The first day, there was coverage from the time he got there until three am. Around 9am the next day another woman came, and stayed with us until almost five. I really felt like they were trying to achieve the smoothest possible transition for him.

Last night was rough, as Dad fell out of bed. As we agreed to do this, Jon and I have always maintained that our biggest concerns had to do with his safety during the night. We asked for bed rails, but the hospice people have had some bad experiences with rails, and therefore really try everything else first. We did finally get them today, I think it will help keep him in bed. Luckily, we sort of expected the fall, so I placed pillows and blankets on the floor before we went to bed. Jon also heard it right away, so he wasn't laying there all night either. Other than these falls, Dad has been somewhat withdrawn. In general, he is pretty slow to respond to questions and sleeps pretty much all day. He is most alert and awake in the mornings, and slowly deteriorates as the day wares on. As always, it is difficult to assess whether he is comfortable or not. He spends a lot of time having coughing fits, although the nurses tell me that his lungs are clear. He has complained a little about a sore back, but refuses to take Tylenol for it. I wonder if he isn't just confused about what Tylenol is. We did get him to take some Morphine the other day, but the taste is so awful that he refuses to take any more.

So time ticks on... I felt good this morning as my cinnamon waffles were a big hit, not only with Dad, but with the kids too!

The Price of Mac

One comment that everyone seems to have concerning Apple and their brand of Mac computers is that they are nice, but very expensive. As some of you know we recently purchased a MacBook to replace the one that is currently on life support and fading fast. The decision came from my wife wanting to get into professional photography. It is not so much that a Mac is more adept at working with graphics, but they tend to be much more prominent in the photography field.

We started looking at their notebooks and did find the prices to be a little high. Thankfully my brother works for a university and was able to get us a $100 discount, making it more attractive. We ordered the MacBook on Monday. It was shipped from China on Thursday and arrived Friday morning. Fed Ex is damn fast. We quickly got to setting it up.

Now I have used OS X a little in the past with my brother and mother, both long time Mac users. I even used to be a Mac user before I started down the PC path with my rocking 200mhz P2 with a whole 64mb of ram and 4gb of hard drive space. The experience turning this thing on and starting to use it was fantastic. I don’t know if it is the fact that my wife’s old notebook was so underpowered for what we are doing or if OS X is just that much better than XP. Maybe it is just the new shiny and I will be over it in a month. Either way, I am currently enthralled.

In some ways the fact that the OS and hardware are a closed system actually appeals to me. I think of it in the way that game consoles are closed systems. With a closed system you can pump so much more out of each part of the hardware as opposed to an open system that needs lots of redundancy so that it runs on everything available. My Nintendo DS and Wii, both ironically Mac white, can do way more with their systems as far as gaming when compared to a pocket PC or desktop PC of the same size or cost.

This all has me wondering how much extra the MacBook, and Macs in general, cost compared to similar, at least in hardware specs, Windows systems. I did some research and comparisons and this is what I came up with.

Entry Level



The Mac Mini is their entry level, Web and E-mail, system in the computer market. Even with that it is a decent system, something that most people probably do not notice. To make comparisons I decided to use two different PCs, a Dell and a self built one I priced at PriceWatch.com.

Here are the system specifications.

Mac Mini
Processor: 1.66GHz Intel Core Duo
RAM: 1GB (2x256MB) 667MHz DDR2 SDRAM (PC2-5300)
Hard Disk: 60GB Serial ATA
Graphics: Intel GMA 950 graphics processor with 64MB of DDR2 SDRAM
Disk Drive: 24x Combo Drive (DVD-ROM/CD-RW)
Case: Mac Mini
Cost: $674

Dell
Processor: Pentium D 2.80 GHz Dual Core
RAM: 1GB Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM at 667MHz
Hard Disk: 160GB Serial ATA 3Gb/s Hard Drive (7200RPM) w/DataBurst Cache
Graphics: Intel Graphics Media Accelerator X3000
Disk Drive: 48x DVD-ROM/CD-RW
Case: Dell
Cost: $549

PriceWatch
Processor: 1.80GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
RAM: 1GB Kingston Technology KVR667D2D8F5/1G (x4)
Hard Disk: Seagate Serial ATA 500gb 16mb
Graphics: Chiefmax geForce 6200TC 64MB
Disk Drive: LG ELECTRONICS GCC-4481B
Case: Spire SP-2712S
Cost: $588

There is some problem with comparison because the Mini uses an Intel Core Duo and I could not find a comparable one. Even so I think these systems match up fairly well. The Mac Mini is the most expensive, but only costs about $75 more than the cheapest PriceWatch. I’m my opinion $75 dollars is not too much to ask. If they had Mac Minis when I first got my Mother-In-Law computer it would have been a Mini. You can get way cheaper PCs as well, I often see deals form Tiger Direct for only $200, but those systems are very basic, come with no software, and do not have nearly as much firepower.

The Mini also is very small, and comes with a remote and the option of wireless Keyboard and mouse. These options make it ideal for a media center PC, as it also comes with Front Row, a media organization program that is easily navigated by the remote. When Apple comes out with a 2.0ghz option it will even be able to play H.264 video at 1080p. H.264 is a form of video compression that makes the files very small but takes a good amount of horsepower to play. I would love to be able to purchase HD-DVDs or BluRays (which ever comes out on top), rip them to a server, compress them to H.264, and then be able to watch them right from the Mac Mini.

Notebooks



This is area that we purchased in. I did not do a PriceWatch comparison because notebooks are so specialized I feel it is best to get a name brand. A desktop you can switch out components easily if something breaks, not so with a notebook.

MacBook
Processor: 2.0GHz Intel Core 2 Duo
RAM: 1GB (two SODIMMs)
Hard Drive: 80GB Serial ATA, 5400rpm
Video Card: Intel GMA 950 graphics processor with 64MB of DDR2 SDRAM
Disk Drives: 24x Combo Drive (DVD-ROM/CD-RW)
Case: MacBook
Cost: $1299

Dell
Processor: Intel® Core™ 2 Duo T7200 (2.00GHz, 4MB L2 Cache, 667 MHz FSB)
RAM: DDR2 SDRAM at 533MHz, 2 Dimm
Hard Drive: 80GB Sata Hard Drive
Video Card: Intel® Graphics Media Accelerator 950
Disk Drives: 8X CD/DVD Burner (DVD+/-RW) with double-layer DVD+R write capability
Case: Dell
Cost: $1049

Again, the Mac is more expensive, and this time by $250. For us it was only $150 due to the discount we received, and I still think the extra cost was worth it. For one you can run Windows XP or Vista on the MacBook natively. Also, the MacBook is smaller, which is a plus for me as notebooks are all about being portable.

High End



These are the dream machines, the ones that geeks like me drool over, ideal for gaming and video/photo editing.

Mac Pro
Processor: Xeon 5160 3.0 GHz Core 2 Duo X2
RAM: 4 GB 667MHz DDR2 ECC fully buffered DIMM
Hard Drive: 500GB Serial ATA 3Gb/s, 7200 rpm, 8MB cache
Video Card: Radeon X1900 XT 512mb
Disk Drives: 16x SuperDrive with double-layer support
Case: Mac Pro
Cost: $4375

PriceWatch
Processor: Xeon 5160 3.0 GHz Core 2 Duo X2
RAM: Kingston Technology KVR667D2D8F5/1G (x4)
Hard Drive: Seagate Serial ATA 500gb 16mb
Video Card: PowerColor RADEON X1900 XT 512MB
Disk Drives: LG ELECTRONICS GSA-H42N
Case: Spire SP-2712S
Cost: 3820

Dell
Processor: Intel® Core™2 Q6600 Quad-Core (8MB L2 cache,2.4GHz,1066FSB)
RAM: 4GB Dual Channel DDR2 SDRAM at 667MHz
Hard Drive: 500GB Serial ATA 3Gb/s Hard Drive (7200RPM) w/DataBurst Cache
Video Card: 768MB nVidia GeForce 8800 GTX
Disk Drives: Dual Drives: 16x DVD-ROM Drive + 16x DVD+/-RW w/ dbl layer
Case: Dell
Cost: 4017

Plays out very similarly to the other examples, Mac being the most expensive, followed by the Dell, then the PriceWatch build your own. If you can get the educational discount take $200 off of the Mac Pro, which makes it only $150 more than the Dell. Also note that the Mac has a better processor, but the Dell has a better video card.

I did not choose to look at mid range desktops as Apple has put iMacs in that category. iMacs have the screen built into the computer, which bothers me for non notebook computers. Monitors tend to last longer than computers, but if you have the screen built in when you want a new one you need a new screen too. I am still using the 22in I got back in 2002. Also, if something goes wrong with the computer or the screen you need to get the whole thing fixed. If you do purchase a iMac I would highly recommend purchasing Apple Care, which extends customer service and support to 3 years.

In the end the premium for a Mac does not seem that exuberant $50-150 more than a Dell, and up to $500 more than a build it yourself. The amount of time I have spent fixing these machines makes it very compelling to just go with a pre assembled, and when you are talking $4000 already $500 does not seem to be that much.

Time will tell how much I like working in OSX. They still need to come out with an Intel native Quicken and Office, right now we are booting into XP for those functions, which I personally find annoying. Having that ability is still nice, however, since I do plenty of gaming and having the ability to play anything that comes out for Windows is a must in my book.

In my dreams I have two systems, a Mac Pro for music, movies, internet, and a dedicated PC gaming rig. In reality it would be much cheaper to just go with the Mac Pro. Next year, when I get a new machine we will just see how much OS X has grown on me.

For Dad just wasn't meant to be

So I began writing a post on Thursday morning... I was interrupted in the middle of it, and unable to get back to it until Friday night. I thought that I had saved it, but when I got back to it, only one third of it was there. So, not being easily discouraged, I picked up where the save had ended. I finished it, published it... I even saw the post in a new window right there on our blog... So yesterday, Jon logs on and says to me, "you really should finish this." And I am all like, "Finish what?". He says, "The For Dad Post". I am in complete disbelief that it is not there. He shows me the draft that was saved... it was half of what I had originally typed, the new stuff was gone. So I check today, to see if by some miracle this stupid blogger could fix itself... and what do I find? Yeah, the whole thing that I originally typed. So maybe tomorrow the new stuff will show up. Seems to me that "For Dad" was never meant to be.

Since I am too burnt out to retype everything for a third time... My Father is dying from Kidney Failure secondary to End Stage Congestive Heart Failure. We were forced to put him in a nursing home last week Thursday, he lasted one night there. It was awful. He will be coming to live the rest of his days with me and Jon tomorrow or Tuesday.

I am going to get my tired butt to bed now.

Tubes in

Taylor had his ear tube surgery yesterday. Although the surgeon said it was more complicated than he expected, everything went well. Taylor was very fussy and irritated most of yesterday. Today he is his old happy self. I can't tell just yet if he hears more, but he will have another hearing exam next week. The surgeon said that his ears were "interesting". He explained that his little eardrums were sucked very tight into the wall of Eustachian tubes, and behind them was a build up of very thick gunky cerumen... The way he said it lead us to believe that this was very odd, so we feel confident that the tubes were a very good decision. We left home at 6:15am, arrived back around 9:30am. From then until sometime around 2pm Taylor fussed and screamed while his little eyelids opened and closed like they were coated in lead. Finally around 2 he quit fighting and slept soundly for a whopping 40 minutes or so. Around 6pm, Jon took this photo:

J&J Studios

So I have had this dream about doing photography as more than a hobby, but I am a little bit wimpy when it comes to putting myself out like that. So over the past three years or so, Jon has been encouraging me to go for it. He even bought me a new high tech digital SLR about two years ago... I take it everywhere! Last June a very close friend asked me to shoot the photos at her wedding. I have to admit, I got a really big thrill out of it. I really enjoyed doing it. So, my computer got a little tired last weekend (and by a little tired, I mean, the screen went really dark almost black). Anyway, the talk about needing to get a new computer stirred up old notions of starting our own small photography business again... So I contacted another friend of ours, who has an MBA, and asked if she would help me put together a business plan and do a market analysis. I also put together another blog where I can post some of my photos and begin the process of "putting myself out there"! So, please visit my gallery at J&J Studios.

Suggestions and moral support needed and welcomed! ;)

Damn Blogger, now I am REALLY ticked off

Ok, so third time is a charm, right? So this post actually started an hour ago, with a title of "one more crazy week down"... but as you might guess, blogger lost not only that one, but the second one I attempted to write. UHG!!! So, in a nutshell, I lost an hour of my life, you have no updates on the kids, and all my fancy links are shot.

Ok, so Taylor got is orthotics on Tuesday, see pic... Livi and Tay both have bad colds, spent Tue, Wed, Thur, and today helplessly wiping their little red noses! Poor things! I feel like crap, but I was feeling better until my big post was lost... we had 11 appointments this week, I am super exhausted! Haven't heard yet if Jon got the job, ugh. Painted MIL's dining room yesterday, I like it, hope she does too.







Some time ago, sorry, I was awarded this blogger award by Denise at Cameron's Corner. I have been trying to find time to get on this week, but it wasn't meant to be. Anyway, my dear hubby says that this is as bad as a chain letter, but I think that it was given to me with so much sincerity, that it deserves to be mentioned. Denise and I met on a message board for pregnant women well over a year ago. Along with all of the women on the board, she has been super supportive over the last year. I was truly flattered when I read that she had chosen to nominate my blog for this award. She had so many choices to pick from, I nearly fell on the floor when I read that she had chosen mine. So chain letter or not, I have decided that I would like to give someone the same honor. Unfortunately, I do not actually read five blogs, also I would rather nominate just one with great sincerity. SO with that, I would like to offer the blogger award to Emmakirst. Emmakirst is another woman that I met on the pregnancy board so long ago. She also has been extremely supportive over the last year and a half. We have really enjoyed watching little A's achievements as she was due just two days after I was, and actually born just two days before I was due. We wish her all the best as she ventures into yet another pregnancy! Congrats Emmakirst!

Now with video...

Alivya got a little excited with Taylors wedge. Don't worry she is fine. Funny that a $50 camera can get movies online easily as opposed to our $1000 one.

Surgery again...

We had our Ear Nose and Throat (ENT) appointment today to deal with Taylor's failed hearing tests. In two minutes he looked in his ears, and his nose, and his mouth (ironically ;) and looked up at me and said, "Well.... He has fluid behind his ears." Boy, why isn't my name followed by MD??? Anyway, so Taylor will have surgery on April 4th to put tiny tubes in his ears to help relieve the pressure. Hopefully this will help give him some relief from post nasal drip, balance issues, and help him to hear. All of which may help him eat better, move better, and socialize more than ever! The procedure is really quick, only 2-3 minutes, and is done outpatient. It should not be too uncomfortable for him either. Hopefully we are preventing a childhood filled with ear infections too... poor kid has enough problems, right?!?

Walk America- Support the March of Dimes

I would like to take a moment of your time to ask you to please help save babies. Jon and I are sharing our story about how the March of Dimes has touched our lives.

In early 2005 we were thrilled to find out that we were expecting twins in April 2006. Our joy quickly became sorrow after twin A’s bag of waters ruptured at just 20 weeks gestation. Although we were strongly advised to induce labor, we opted to take prophylactic antibiotics and wait to see what happened. I spent six lonely weeks on strict inpatient bed rest before I went into labor on December 30^th, 2005. At only 26 weeks gestation, Taylor and Alivya were barely viable.

They were both intubated and placed on special oscillating ventilators. Taylor, whose lung function resembled that of a 22 or 23 week baby, was not oxygenating well enough to support life even on the special equipment. It was decided that a very experimental treatment involving Nitrous Oxide would be his only hope. Although this treatment had never been given to a baby younger that 31weeks at our hospital, the treatment was successful. Each of our tiny babies spent weeks on ventilators, sedated for comfort and to allow for them to grow. Day by day we prayed for the tiniest fraction of an ounce of weight gain, and slowly their levels of care decreased. During their first three months of life, Taylor and Alivya became survivors of prematurity, and all of the complications that go along with it. Combined, they survived Grades I and II intraventricular hemorrhage (IVH), patent ductus arteriosis (PDA), anemia of prematurity, retinopathy of prematurity (ROP), necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC), countless life threatening infections, feeding intolerances, complete oral aversions, generalized muscle and tone weaknesses, and oxygen dependency.

Today, Taylor and Alivya are nearing their first adjusted birthday and doing well. Our battle is far from over as Taylor continues to depend on jejunal tube feedings and oral aversions, but without the tireless research of the March of Dimes, it is likely that he would not be here today. We ask for your support today in hopes that someday, all babies will be free from the devastating effects of prematurity and the need for such a struggle for life. We welcome any donation, cash or check donations can be made by filling out the form attached. Online donations can be made by going to our team web page:

http://www.walkamerica.org/393149

If you cannot donate money, but you wish to walk to save babies, you may join our team by visiting us on the web (see address above) and clicking on “join this team” on the left. Thank you so much for taking the time to read our story and any contributions you can offer.

Snail Mail

It dawned on me the past few days, that without the internet, I would be 99 percent disconnected from the world. We don't watch TV, I don't really go anywhere, no one really comes here (that is except therapists)... I am not sure when the internet became my gateway to life. But somehow, tapping out an email is suddenly easier to me than making a phone call. Although it ties up both my hands, and really does require my visual attention, it seems to fit my mulitasking lifestyle remarkably well. Weird. Still, doesn't it fit the lifestyle of almost anyone? (That is except that of people who do not own computers or have internet...) I mean, if I call you right now, you have to stop reading my blog, get up, go to the phone, probably check out who is calling, then decide, do I really want to talk to Julie, who may or may not babble on about something I don't care about for hours... instead, doesn't it seem better to simply decide that you want to have contact with the world, go to your computer and look in your in box? There you can read what you want, delete what you don't want, scroll past all the babbling nonsense, remark back about the interesting or useful stuff...etc. Or what about blogging? You find blogs made by interesting people that you actually have some connection with, they write when they feel like it, you check it out when you feel like it... everyone wins... since all this happens at their own convenience. Even the old snail mail which as the name suggests, didn't take place at the speed of light just isn't as convenient as the old information super highway. Even with my high speed cable costs... I don't spend as much as I would if all these posts, and all my email cost me 39 cents a piece.

Yet we still crave this desire to receive a phone call, have a visit, or even a small piece of parcel... why?

From 2007 Twins

In twins news...
We have been very busy. Last week we took Taylor to the Audiology clinic where his hearing was tested. They put some little probes in his ears, that kept falling out. The lady was able to calm him enough to get a poor reading on his left ear, and a fair reading on his right ear. He failed both exams. Then Taylor and I were put into a "sound proof" booth, I quote this because I could hear Livi and Taylor's care worker outside... Anyway the booth had three of those little creepy stuffed monkeys with cymbals strapped to their hands. One was in front of us, and one on either side of us. The tech told me not to turn my head as it might clue off Taylor. So I decided to stare into his cute little swirly spot of hair on the back of his head. When the creepy little monkey on my right, started lighting up and banging his little cymbals, it took all I had to try not to look at it. So as the test went on, it was obvious that Taylor was either not hearing certain sounds, as they started out really low and rapidly grew very loud without him bothering to turn his head... or he was simply not interested in looking in that direction. After about ten minutes there, we left the booth. The Audiologist said nothing about the test, she simply said, "let me try one more thing." I knew something was wrong, but I wondered when she was actually going to tell me. So she took us to another machine like the first one. Asked me to hold him down a bit, and put more probes in each ear. This machine, she explained, would detect if there was movement of his eardrums. Even in my very poor understanding of how the human ear works, I knew that lack of movement of the ear drums, was not a good thing. So the screen showed a basically flat line, very little movement of the eardrums. So after all this, Taylor basically failed all the hearing tests. The audiologist tells me that I have to call his primary and ask for a referral to an Ear Nose and Throat (ENT) Doctor. So we will see him on Thursday, and Alivya will get to experience the monkeys too.

We also went to the GI doc last week. He was basically happy, but wanted to check Taylor's nutrition labs. This did not really seem so hard, but it took them nearly an hour and a half to get three large vials of blood... I could not believe that they would put a baby through that. Then we get a call later in the week, that they did not get enough blood still, and we have to bring him back... not me, I will take him to the ped's office, where they are used to drawing blood from babies.

From 2007 Twins

Over St Patty's weekend we took the kids to Chicago for Jon's cousin's wedding. We got to the church early, and the regular 4 o'clock mass had not yet ended. Every old woman who passed us oohhd and ahhhd over our little princess Alivya. I must say, she looked radiant... sometimes if she didn't look so much like her uncle Greg, I would swear she couldn't be ours! Taylor was stunning too... click on the link below the picture above to see more pix.

The kids didn't really fair to well through the church service, but there was a really good "quiet room" so it was ok. We made it through dinner, then the smoke overwhelmed us, and we left.

The Cranks

So we discovered this morning that madam crank, miss Livi, Alivya.... HAS A TOOTH!!!!! Hurray. Maybe this will be an answer to our crying problem! Maybe not, but one can hope!

On a side note, Taylor now has five....

I took these photos of the kiddos this morning... don't they play nice together?!

From 2007 Twins

From 2007 Twins

From 2007 Twins

From 2007 Twins

I wasn't going to post all of them, but it was just too much fun to flip through them! I love the third one, that will probably make the photo album!

Snow

So there hasn't been much going on here, except SNOW! In the past week, we have accumulated more snow than we had the entire 06-07 winter season thus far! No one stateside should be terribly surprised by this news, but there is like 12 inches coating our city, and much more on the way this evening. It has been raining/snowing/sleeting all day today, and from what I understand, there will be like eight more inches tonight... even though they got it right last weekend, I still say I will believe it when I see it.

In baby news, Taylor put food in his mouth intentionally for the first time yesterday. We bought him some chocolate graham crackers, and yesterday he decided to try one. He put it in his mouth, took it out and looked at and put it back in... a few times. I really wanted to get it on video, but as I dashed for the camera, I discovered that the battery was dead... go figure. So instead I got an adorable video of Alivya as she discovered how to take off her bib. She did not succeed yesterday, but tonight she mastered the task.

From 2007 Twins

From 2007 Twins

So they each got two shots of Synagis today. They were not happy babies. Taylor weighs 20lbs 12oz and 29.5in long. Livi is 18lbs 10oz and 27in long. We decided to turn their car seats around too. Their poor little legs were pushed up against the back of the seats and they looked like the Grinch trying to get down the chimney. Since they can both sit well, we decided that it was time. They also had their one year eye exam. Taylor's eyes are slightly far sided, which I was told is normal for this age. Livi has one far sided, and one near sided. This seemed puzzling to the doctor, so he recommended that she see a pediatric opthalmologist. Since I am taking Alivya, he said, I should just take Taylor too... Apparently he has never heard the words "deductible" or "copay". So I made those appointments, but I was sort of confused since I thought that he was a pediatric opthalmologist. I mean, last year when Livi was coming home, I had to arrange follow up for her eye surgery up here, or travel two hours one way to have her see the surgeon. So I called the NICU up here, and asked them to recommend a pediatric opthalmologist... he was the doctor they said sees their babies... so I am confused. Unfortunately, this doctor (the one who actually is a pediatric Opt) only comes up here once a month, and she is booked solid until May. Guess there are a lot of kids that need her up here. So Livi might be sporting some styling shades for Uncle Tom's wedding at the end of May. Here's hoping not.

Identity Theft

Two years ago I obtained copies of my credit report, and discovered two accounts that were listed that I did not have any knowledge of. The information listed on the reports was the collection agency address and phone number, their account numbers and amounts, and the name of the original creditor... turned out to be a dentist. I requested an investigation of the accounts through TransUnion, and never received a decision. Stupidly, I thought it was all taken care of. A few weeks ago, I decided to get my credit reports again. Sure enough, not only were the accounts not gone, but they showed as active and were scheduled to be removed in 2020! I was floored. So as not to panic, I requested another investigation through TransUnion... this time however, I actually got the results. VERIFIED, NO CHANGE.

Well what the he** does that mean??? So I decide that I have worried about this long enough, and it is time that I deal with this. By "this", I thought I meant identity theft. Anyone who really knows me, know that I hate going to the dentist. In fact, the irony of this whole situation is that Jon and I actually did go to the dentist in 2004... not that dentist, but a dentist. I am ashamed to say it, but it was the first time since before we met in 1998. See what happens when we actually do go to the dentist... they are evil ;P

Anyway, so I called up the collection agency and inform them that I believe that my identity had been stolen. The guy who is on the phone claims to be the owner of the company, and informs me that it is "ridiculous that anyone would steal someone's identity and use it to go to the dentist." He goes on to inform me that he has personally spoken to me before, and that I have paid money on these accounts. As if I have amnesia. He spent a half hour repeating these charges. Then he starts asking me questions about my job, address, and phone number in August of 2004. Ironically, he discovered that there were a whole bunch of inconsistencies... still he maintained that no one would steal an identity to go to the dentist. The fact that the names of the patients were completely foreign to me, that the person used my maiden name over a year after I was married, the fact that I never even heard of the company that I apparently worked for... he never wavered from his position. He informed me that he could do nothing about the accounts, so I informed him that I was filing a police report, and I would do anything to prove my innocence.

I guess this got his attention. Suddenly he started to suggest that I send him documents that would prove my identity and whereabouts during that time. He wanted a copy of my photo ID, my marriage license, and three bills to confirm my residence one each from the last three years. I agreed to mail these items out the next day, and I had intended to follow some advice that I found online about ID theft. Namely I was going to include a detailed letter about our conversation and my dispute. And I was definitely going to file a police report.

When I hung up with John, the nice guy he was... I called the local police department. I needed to know if I could file it here, or if I had to file it where we lived when it allegedly happened. Having not been a person who has dealt much with law enforcement, I was eaten alive. The snotty woman who answered the phone would not even let me speak. She interrupted me every five seconds during our two minute conversation. She also insinuated that I was lying and I should try to resolve the issue by talking to the dentist. Which was about the only detail that she knew of after 30 seconds of speaking to me. We ended the conversation with, "you need to deal with the jurisdiction where the crime occurred." And dial tone. Some "Excellence in Police Service" huh? A slogan I will forever roll my eyes at. Anyway, so by now I am in violently crying and wondering why this was happening to me. Jon came up and held me. When I composed myself enough to inform about what was going on, he was irate. He called the old police department, who were about as helpful as our current one... he was told he would have to do it in person.

We felt beat. No one was on our side. I thought there were all of these efforts to help protect people from ID theft... not only was that not the case, but no one even believed us that we were victims.

So just as we were really down, the phone rings again. It was John, my buddy from the collection agency... He was just calling to inform me that I need not send any of those documents... after quizzing me about who my mother was and if I attended Marquette University... yada, yada, he tells me that I had a bill from the University Health Center that my mom apparently paid... and someone at his office mistakenly transferred my information onto someone else's accounts. Therefore when the credit agency did their "investigation" all the information was verified because they were using the standard three identifiers (name, birth date, and social security number) which were in fact correct since all three were "mistakenly" transferred. John made no attempt to apologize for his insinuations, his demeanor, nor his mistake. He simply told me that he would have it removed from my report, but I should request yet another "investigation" to make sure that it actually comes off. JURK! This is the second collection agency in three months who have been wrong about us... one would think that they would give the customer the courtesy of at least checking into their claim before being complete a**es, because sometimes, we actually are victims!

Pix, One year, and Crying Cure?

First I would like to ask if anyone has any cure, or remedies even for the crying??? It seems that Alivya has swung full speed into the separation anxiety stage... I can't walk across the same room without her screaming and screaming, let alone leave to go to the bathroom, get a drink, fix her breakfast or anything else. We've tried to just leave her, but she just keeps going and going like the energizer bunny! She'll quiet for a few seconds, then she winds up again. The funny part is that she does this whenever any adult leaves the room. It is not necessarily just me and Jon, but anybody. What can we do????? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, on to better things.... One year ago today, we held our precious little miracles together for the first time!

2006, Best of

If you click on this photo and select slide show at the top of the screen, you can see a slide presentation of the best of the twin's photos from 2006. As always, I am continuing to upload new photos to the 2007 album.

Total KO

If I knew anything about boxing, and I don't, I would say something clever about being in the last round and barely standing with literally seconds to go, when suddenly the opponent gets a break. Now try to imagine this match is my life, and seconds equal months or weeks. I don't know if we've gotten that blow, but it sure feels like it. Funny how lots of little punches can wear on you. I think I have begun to understand more about boxing than I ever dreamed I would.

I am a big believer in change. I think it is good for the sole, keeps you busy and on your toes. It is the fluidity of life that keeps it interesting, but what happens when your nice viscous life becomes thin as water? What do the boxers do when the punches come faster and faster, harder and harder? I used to think that I was pretty good at rolling with the punches, perhaps I even lived off the adrenaline that it produced. Suddenly though, its all catching up with me... what has changed?

From ColdandSinus Ville

Welcome from ColdandSinus Ville USA! First, I would like to say, that I can probably count on two hands the number of times that I have left my house this winter. Second, Jon really only goes out to buy groceries and to Milwaukee a couple of times a month... We are super good about hand washing ourselves, and I keep a sign on my door to help remind our visitors about doing it also... my bathroom boasts a beautiful pictograph of "proper hand washing techniques!" And still we are all sick yet again! I think those little bugs just gravitate to our house! This little bout appears to be the worse as of yet. This is the first time since September that we've had Taylor on Prednisone... and he is still wheezing... and coughing... Alivya started coughing bad today... Jon says he has a sore throat and sinus pressure... and well, I have had it for awhile. Needless to say, our house is a boat full of fun!

Despite our recent health status, we are managing. I started work on Monday. Nervously I left my poor wheezy son at home with his PCW, my perpetually cranky daughter at home with my mother, and drove off in bitterly freezing temperatures (-60 after wind chill). I got half way there and realized that Evan didn't have school since every school in the state (virtually) canceled. It was like old Murphy's law, everything that could go wrong, did. I stopped home during lunch to find poor Jon with a whole house full of people... Mom, Alivya, Taylor, Evan, Tanya... I guess Terra had been there earlier. It was so surreal. Well, we all survived.

As you can see from the pix below, my little fighter just keeps on smiling. And look, I finally got a snap of that illustrious tooth!!! (a couple actually!)

From 2007 Twins

From 2007 Twins

From 2007 Twins

La torture?

From 2007 Twins

So I took these photos so that everyone can actually understand what in the heck I am talking about. This is Taylor's "stander". Although is looks like some form of ancient torture, this device is actually charged with the task of getting Taylor to bear weight on his legs. Strapping the wriggly little peanut into it is almost a two person acrobatic routine. You grasp one leg while I secure the strap, then the other. A third contortionist, needed simply to distract him during this process, is a luxury that is rarely had.

From 2007 Twins

Once all the buckles and straps are secure, we raise the flag... so to speak. On Thursday, when we first dared to attempt this small feat, we all expected a lot of screaming and displeasure to accompany his time completely upright. Much to our surprise, there was no protest at all. In fact, Taylor quite liked his new found freedom... if you can call it that. I asked his PT how long we should do this each day. She said to start with five minutes and work up to a half hour. This is exactly the answer I was expecting. Once we got him, however, he was having so much fun banging toys on the chair in front of him, that he stood there for over twenty minutes. So she told us to go with what he tolerates.

Today we put him in it for the second time... and it seems as though our first experience was not a fluke. He had just as much fun. He likes to throw the toys on the floor so that we have to pick them up. I think he also likes to look around, must feel different to him.


We have heard that there are some pretty high-tech standers, "Cadillac" models as it was described to us. I am sure they are very expensive, and we are pretty grateful that we don't have to pay for this. So as long as this archaic looking torture device actually does the job of teaching Tay to stand... then its good enough for us!

From 2007 Twins

It is not any worse than the "feeding chair" that Birth to 3 brought us several months ago. The feeding chair is made of foam and hard seventies vinyl, and has these three inch bright rainbow colored straps that hold him in place... perhaps I will post a picture of that later.

I am proud to announce that Tay has outgrown his need for their corner chair. They took that back with them on Thursday so that it can be given to another little miracle that needs it. We will miss just how studious he looked sitting in it with his blocks! Well, on to the next artifact...

Wii Will Rock You

If you read my wife's last post you know that we have acquired a Wii, Nintendo's newest video game console. Let me tell you that it is a ton of fun, and not just for your standard gamer. My wife and I love playing together and with friends, and she never played our GameCube when we first got it 5 years ago.

The System



The system itself is very small, about the size of 3 DVDs stacked on top of each other, or a DVD drive that you would put in your PC. It looks very small sitting in our TV stand on top of the wider D-Link MediaLounge and huge(relatively ) DVD/VCR combo. Yes, we still have a couple of VHS tapes lying around, though we hardly, if ever watch them. DVD all the way, and eventually I would like to get everything going through the Media Lounge, but that is a topic for another post. The Wii is, however, very heavy for its size. It can be positioned either vertically or horizontally, vertically looks cool but I think its rather impractical, so we have our positioned horizontally.

The disk reader is slot loaded like a car CD player, and it has a blue light inside that glows blue when you either power up the system or when you get a message. Yes, it does e-mail. On the side are two panels that come down to reveal GameCube controller and memory ports. Yes, its backwards compatible with the GameCube meaning there is already a great library of games to play on it. There is another panel on the front for SD cards from which you can load pictures, MP3s, and backup Virtual Console Games.

Once you power on the system you are presented with a windowed interface witch are called channels. There is one for the game in the reader, one to create and manage Miis, a photo channel, shopping, weather, and news. The rest of the channels are currently used for other items you download from the store, either theInternet browser or Virtual Console Games.

Virtual Console Games consist of old NES, SUPER NINTEDO, NINTENDO 64, SEGA GENISIS (Weird having SEGA on a Nintendo System), and Turbo Graphix 16 games. They have new ones put up every Monday. Some of the current good ones are The Legend of Zelda: A Link To The Past, Mario Kart 64, Sonic The Hedgehog and theoriginal Super Mario Brothers. They cost from 500 to 1000 points, the older being cheaper. Points can be purchased through the store for 1 cent for 1 point. It ends up with NES games costing $5.00, SUPER NINTEDO $8.00, SEGA GENISIS $8.00, Turbo Graphix $8.00, and NINTENDO 64 $10.00. Reasonable prices especially if you do not already own them. Even after time some of these games are still great to play. Do note that if you want to play them you will need either a GameCube controller, which are failry cheap, or purchase a Retro Controller, which is also not terribly expensive. Having 4 GameCube Wavebirds I am all set, though I have yet to purchase any. Which brings me to probably the biggest part of the Wii...

The Controller



Gone is the complicated looking 11 button + D pad + 2 Analog controllers of the past. Say hello the the Wii-mote. It only has a D-Pad and two major buttons, A and B. The other ones are there, but are used for mostly secondary purposes like pause. Inside the Wii-mote are accelerometers and gyroscopes that tell the system how the controller is orientated and if it is moving. There is also an inferred sensor on the end that detects two lights on a sensor bar that is positioned either above or below your television, so that you can have a pointer on the screen that is controlled simply by moving the controller. No longer do you play a game such as tennis by pressing a button, but instead by moving the controller just like you would a regular tennis racket. The feeling is spot on. Never have I had so much fun playing sports games on a system. Hell, I haven't had this much fun with video games since the Nintendo 64 and I first played Super Mario 64 (which you can also download on the Virtual Console). Plus, everyone can play since it is so simple. My wife is actually better than me at some games, which is a first. Well, besides Super Mario Brothers, Tetris, and Doctor Mario. But what do all of those games have in common? They are all simple to play, just like playing games on the Wii. The Wii also gets you off the couch. I have gotten more exercise playing this in the last week than I have in the last year.For more complicated games there is what is called the nunchuck, a controller that attaches the the Wii-mote. The nunchuck also has accelerometers in it as well as an analog stick and two more buttons.

When I have more time I will tell you all about the pack in game, Wii Sports, which is worth the purchase alone, and about Miis.

Wii've had a lot of interesting things happen...

It seems to me that last week both flew by, and dragged on for an eternity. Jon's daily trips to Milwaukee Tuesday through Friday are only the icing on the cake! My interview and subsequent job offer, Taylor's trip to Milwaukee on Friday, our Wii, and two new tires for the car are a few of the bigger ingredients for the rest of it!

So I decided that it is time for me to go back to work. I have a lot of reasons for doing so, but the highlights include the fact that we can always use more money and I need some time away... so why not make some money too? I will be working for Theda Care... I applied for a lot of positions with Affinity, but never had any luck... so Theda Care it is. I will be working both the registration and unit secretary desks at AMC's emergency department. Not altogether too different from what I used to do at WAMH. I am both nervous and excited. I will miss the kids, but I think I will like having some time to think about something else too. After all it will only be for 20 hours a week for now.

On Friday Taylor and I had an emergency adventure down to Children's Hospital of Wisconsin. His tubing for his G/J tube got caught in his crib on Thursday night, and pulled the tube out. Unfortunately, the hospitals up here won't do this procedure. Someone told me once that this was because a pediatric surgeon would be needed if anything went wrong... and a shortage of those around here, equals me driving four hours round trip for a ten minute procedure. Put blatantly, it sucks. Anyway, they put in a new tube. Taylor was uncomfortable for the day, but was back to his old-self already on Saturday! He is such a happy little guy. I was surprised how well I handled the situation. I always told Jon that if it happened, he would have to put the button in... go figure this would happen when Jon was not at home :)

Its a long story, but we have a Wii. Jon and I have both been enjoying it. I think it is an interesting turn in video game technology. It will be interesting to see where it goes from here, and if the other big consoles will follow suit.

Wednesday morning on his way to Milwaukee, Jon blew a tire on the car. This in itself isn't that bad of news, but the fact that he couldn't get the lug nuts off and had to call a tow truck... well yeah... So that whole issue cost us about $180. I guess the upside is that we now have two new front tires on the car. I knew that the tires were getting bad, but I didn't expect that!

In other news:
Taylor continues to progress with feedings. I would say that he is comfortable with us applying food to his lips and putting the spoon on his tongue. He is allowing us to put some food on his tongue and in his mouth, but he still sort of freaks out about it. He is, however, able to work through it without gaging. So we are making progress. One thing that we found out after our little trip to CHOW, he wants water. We offered him some water in his little cut out cup, and he gulped it down like he has been waiting for water his whole life! Sometimes he doesn't stop when he needs a breath, and that makes him cough, but he is doing very well with that otherwise.

From 2007 Twins

Alivya has learned a few more tricks too! She can now pull herself up to standing. She crawls up to you (usually she uses people's clothes... she has not figured out objects and gravity yet!) then she grabs your shirt to pull herself up to a kneel. When she feels pretty secure about that, she pulls one leg under her and pulls up till she is standing. Its so cute! Jon and I got some video of it, but thanks to Sony and their damn proprietary file name... we can't post it... ugh... Consequent of this new technology, Alivya can now negotiate the small step that was keeping her penned! So we have to get another gate. In the meantime, we have been trying to keep her occupied. When we do leave the room, it takes her so long to figure it out and then get up the step, that we are usually back before she gets anywhere.

Isn't she cute in this outfit?

From 2007 Twins

She spent Friday with Grandma K. I think she had a really fun time!

This one I just had to post. Livi is so darn cute when she sleeps...

From 2007 Twins

Role Reversal

So this week has been so weird! Not only did Taylor get new nurses, but he lost his approval for nursing care all together. So this week I spent most of my time teaching his new "personal care workers" how to take care of babies. Not just the unique needs of Taylor, but basic baby stuff. Like bathing, diapering, etc. At this point, I am trying to remind myself that I am thankful for having extra hands available to me... If I say it enough, eventually I have to believe it, right?

I am also super glad, now, that I took soooooooo many pictures last year of Alivya's beautiful smile... cause this week its been all tears! She has been screaming and crying almost all of her waking moments this week!

From 2007 Twins

Nothing made her happy. We set her down, she cried. We picked her up, she cried. We gave her food, she cried. She would not even smile at her cousin Evan, who can usually get a smile in the biggest of tantrums!

Now Taylor, on the other hand, has been an absolute angel! He is like a different kid. Yesterday he sat and played quietly all morning by himself. He has been sleeping through his naps and the night without interruption, except for a little burp yesterday! He has also been a bit more tolerant of us feeding him. This week he allowed cauliflower, green beans, turkey and gravy, blueberry and mixed berry yogurt, and pudding all on his lips and just inside his mouth. Although he gets a little panicked when it gets in his mouth, a little bit of Twinkle Twinkle has been enough distraction to sooth him through it. We are very very proud of him!

From 2007 Twins

This is a picture I took of him sitting yesterday, all by himself... You can just see how much progress he has made...

From 2007 Twins

These photos were too much to leave on my Picasa page while I hoped people would click the link and check them out...

And the Saga continues

So this morning Jon left before the crack of dawn slip sliding through the snow and other traffic for his office in South Milwaukee. I got up around seven; threw on my warmest clothes and out to shovel. By 8 I had cleared the driveway and front walk... not bad huh? I came in and got the kids up and dressed. Taylor's nurse, OT (Occupational Therapist) and PT (Physical Therapist) all arrived. This was Taylor's initial evaluation for OT, and as we had suspected, he qualifies for services. In plain English, that means he is delayed enough to require therapy. So we will be adding a weekly OT visit to his already busy schedule. This child has more appointments than myself, my husband, and Alivya all put together! Anyway, so while she is here, the OT suggests that she re-evaluate Alivya too. I don't think she would have said anything about that if she had not noticed something... so now I have to make another appointment for her evaluation. Ugh...

In the meantime, I get a call from the company that I have been working with to supply us with nurses... turns out that Medicaid has denied Taylor's nursing coverage. They think that he no longer requires nursing skills. We knew for the last few weeks that this was possible, but I had no idea how things would go if it did. Well, now I do. They called me around 9:30 this morning to tell me, and by 10:00, the nurse was gone. They will send someone tomorrow... she thinks.

To top all of this off, my phone has been ringing off the hook today with this person and that wanting something... I just want to leave a message on my voice mail that says, "You have reached someone who just wants a little peace and quiet... go away!" Somehow I don't think that would be well received though! So here is hoping that the kids, who are finally done for their naps, sleep well, and long... so I can have a moment of peace!

Check out this artwork!

From 2007 Twins

This is Taylor after PT...

From 2007 Twins

NEWS!

We got a new nurse today!!! Hurray!

Chaotic Times around here

It was nice after Christmas when things settled down enough that Jon and I actually had a few moments just to lay next to each other and enjoy a little R&R during naps. January 2nd came along and took all that away! Since then, we have had appointment after appointment, mostly for Taylor, but some for Alivya too. They had their one year check ups on the 2nd... and yes, they did get shots! They each also had to have a fingerstick so they could check to make sure that their anemia of prematurity had completely resolved... it did... Then we had the blasted NICU follow-up for Taylor on the 3rd, Synagis shots to prevent RSV on the 4 and regular Physical and speech therapy on the 5th. This week has already been just as busy... we had some of Taylor's therapists here on Monday, traveled to Milwaukee yesterday to have the G/J tube replaced, went to the pediatrician for Taylor's fevers when we got back, and this morning to see his GI doc. Tomorrow and Friday, regular physical and speech therapy again. It's all just really tiring!

The good news is that they both are doing very well. Adjusted for prematurity, they are both following normal growth patterns. Taylor is in the 75th percentile! Taylor's GI is extremely happy about that. Even though it is really tough sometimes to watch him wrench and gag and stuff... the goal is that he grows, and he is. They also have not contracted RSV, knock on wood, and aside from some miserble colds, they are relatively healthy.

The bad news is that no one seems to know why Taylor has had a fever since Saturday. We are treating him with infants Tylenol and Motrin, trying to keep him well hydrated, and cool. Hopefully he will break this thing soon.

I took this picture after we got home from his one year check up... I was trying to get a photo of his teeth... he has three... but he wasn't sharing. Click on the photo or the link below it to see more!

From 2007 Twins

Look whose been caught eating Blueberries!!!!!!

From 2007 Twins

Happy New Year

Happy 2007!!!

Now that I have learned how to use Google's Picasa to import my photos to my blog... you will probably notice me posting more. I used to rely on Jon, as I have read through many of my previous posts... I promised a lot of pix that never made it up... hmmm... Anyway, Picasa makes it so easy! So, Tom, there is my official plug... USE PICASA!!!

So I have had a pretty rotten day, and I have therefore decided that I shall not have anymore birthdays... I just don't like the theme that is developing. Last year I spent most of my birthday in the hospital, recovering from pregnancy, C-section, prolonged bed rest, and the blood infection that set off my labor... I do not probably need to share how much fun all that was. So this year I had to take Taylor and Alivya for their one year ped visit... they each got four shots and a finger poke. Taylor also had a NICU follow up appointment. He was so crabby during that assessment. He screamed for the entire hour! Basically they told me that the therapists that I have been working with were incompetent, and I should take him to see them. The ironic part is that the therapists that Taylor sees now spend close to two and a half hours a week with us. They make sure we know and understand everything. Where as the NICU therapists have spent less than 4 hours with us since they first started working with Taylor in May. They are pushy and made us feel so awful today. I would not even consider seeing them, if I didn't question what was best for Taylor. Now I am just confused.

On a happier note, check out my new talent...and the super hip jackets the kids got for their birthday...

From 2007 Twins

We have two Picasa albums for the twins. You can access their 2006 album by clicking on the link under the photos in the previous post. You can access their 2007 album by clicking on the link above, under the picture. Enjoy!!!!

Happy 1st Birthday Alivya and Taylor

From Twins

From Twins

Happy Holidays

From Twins

We wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I probably do not have to point out how eventful this year has been for us. As these days of celebration and reflection have approached, I have come to realize that there are many many people that have been somewhat neglected by us. Those of you might feel this way, I hope you can understand, and accept that you are (and have been)in our thoughts.

On December 30th we will be celebrating the twin's first birthday. For us, this seems somewhat premature as we have learned to think of the babies by their adjusted ages. This means the age they would be if they had been born when they were due. So in our minds, we are celebrating their first birthday when they are scarcely 8 1/2 months old. Why do I bring this up? I guess I see this is as the perfect example of how the smallest things with the babies have been enormous hurdles for us. Don't get me wrong, we are so blessed to have them to celebrate for at all. I hope on that day we can put all the overshadowing pain behind us, and truly look forward to the next year.

So how are the babies? Good question! Alivya continues to prosper... she has progressed so smoothly! She is doing most things at level higher than her adjusted age (but still less than her real age). She has mastered cereal, most veggies/fruits, pureed ham, beef, turkey, and chicken, and most level 2 foods. She gobbles up puff popcorn off her high chair tray and is starting to have some success with Cheerios too. She can sit up all by herself for long periods of time, and can reach for toys in front of her that are beyond her toes! I would kill for that kind of flexibility! Alivya has started to figure out how to get out of the sitting position gracefully. What I mean by that is, she is not simply falling backwards as much. She has mastered the art of getting up on her knees, but hasn't quite figured out exactly what to do from there. She has invented a lot of super creative techniques to get what she wants from there, but she not cruising around just yet. Right now she gets up then sort of spring boards off her legs onto her little nose. She also has figured out that she can roll over to the things she wants. Sometimes, instead of trying to crawl, she gets up on all fours and sticks her little hinder up (which is so cute). I am not sure if she is trying to crawl that way, or stand... but I think one of these days she is going to sit accidentally... Lastly, she has definitely reached the stage of stranger anxiety. She cries when you simply set her down, when you leave the room, sometimes when you just walk across the room away from her.

Taylor has made so much progress that I am not really sure where to start. He has overcome his need for supplemental oxygen. A few weeks ago Walgreens came to our house and picked up all their tanks and equipment. Despite several small colds, Taylor continues to do well. He has been working really hard on building trunk muscles with physical therapy. It is difficult for me to describe it in writing, but his progress is visible. He controls his head better, he sits almost unassisted, and has been tolerating his tummy time better than ever. He now rolls from side to side and will linger there for a while. Jon thinks he can roll over, but just doesn't see a need to. With the help of his physical therapist, he has rolled over almost completely unassisted. We work with him on several exercises every day to help build that core strength. I imagine it is very tiring for him, and takes a lot of his energy. We have not made a lot of progress with his GI system, however. He continues to have aversions to food, but he does put toys and fingers in his mouth. This oral exploration, as it is called, is a good sign that he will out grow the aversion someday. In the meantime, his food is tube feed. Taylor got his first tooth on November 29th!!! (Alivya is still working on that!)

Alivya is somewhere between 17 and 18 pounds, and is about 26.5 inches long now. Taylor is 18lbs 1oz, and 27.5 inches long. They are nine times heavier than a year ago, and over twice as long! They have made remarkable recoveries! Thank you to everyone who has thought and prayed for them this year. Please continue to support the March of Dimes and their great work for babies like ours.

1 Year Ago

On this day one year ago, our lives changed forever. On that day, we drove to the hospital expecting to hear that my cramping was Braxton Hicks contractions and that I should go home and rest. Instead, my water broke as I got out of our vehicle, and we knew in that moment that we would not be leaving the hospital pregnant.

We listened in disbelieve as our doctor told us that our babies were likely not going to survive, and that we should really consider inducing labor to end the pregnancy. I cannot begin to describe what I was feeling at that moment, but I was definitely angry and scared. This day would begin a 45 day hospital stay that felt like a hundred years. The uncertainty and anxiousness combined with the presence of pregnancy hormones, unfamiliarity of my surroundings, and complete loss of control over my life, made each day simply exhausting.

The six weeks that I spent sitting around in a hospital bed left me completely unprepared for what was coming. The preparation we received for our inevitable Neonatal Intensive Care Unit experience was an hour long conversation with a neonatologist, and a wheelchair ride down the hallway of the unit. The doctor was extremely somber, and told us little about the reality of the situation in which we might find ourselves. Instead, he spent the hour telling us about all of this different medical conditions that neonates are prone to and a bunch of statistics about the chances that a singleton born at different gestational ages would have of developing them. After each of these statistics, he informed us that they didn’t apply to us because we not only had twins, but one of them was ruptured. Therefore, the stats were of little use to us.

It sounds really dumb, but if he would have brought with him a piece of paper and a potato and said that each of your babies will be small enough to fit on this piece of paper and weigh about as much as this potato… well I think we would have been more prepared for our initial introduction to our children. Obviously he had no way of knowing exactly what was going to happen, and I think even in our state, that was understood.

Since December 30th, when our babies were born at 26 weeks gestation (14 weeks early), we have been through the most profound journey. Many answers have been discovered, but many mysteries still lie in our future. One thing is certain, they wanted to be here, and our lives will never be the same again.

The question that looms heaviest on my mind is why did Taylor’s water break at 20 weeks? Unfortunately, no one can answer this for me. I have spent many moments in the past year thinking about what happened, and wondering if I had done one or two things differently, if it all would have ended up this way anyhow. We have seen first hand the power of neonatal research as our children were given 0% chance of survival on this day one year ago. We spent the next four weeks praying for another day. December 15th was the “magic” day when the babies became viable in the eyes of our hospital (24 weeks gestation). Every one of those days we were benefactors of the March of Dimes. So today we are asking you to please donate to the March of Dimes fight against prematurity. The following links will send you to their current promotion called “Banding Together”. Jon and I have donated $20 to create a virtual band for each of our babies. Every dollar will help babies like ours. Your donation is greatly appreciated!!! Thank you for thinking about Taylor and Alivya on this day!

This is the link for Alivya’s band:
http://www.marchofdimes.com/prematurity/b.asp?band_id=31295

This is the link for Taylor’s band:
http://www.marchofdimes.com/prematurity/b.asp?band_id=31294

This is the link if you would like to create a new band:
http://www.marchofdimes.com/howtohelp/how_help_c4_1.asp

Meadowlark House

Hello!
Today is just another gloomy day in A town. I swear the sun never showed up at all! Anyway, it has been a busy day for me since Taylor's nurse never showed up for work this morning. This is the second time it has happened in two weeks. I just hope someone shows up tomorrow as Jon will be away for work. Now that Taylor is off his oxygen, and doing very well, it is a bit easier for me to handle both babies. However, there are few quiet moments since both always want all of my attention! I gave Taylor a much needed bath this morning and the little thing was just shivering away. The thermometer on the bottom of his little tub read 99 degrees. It was green, unless Jon's color-blindness is growing on me... which is the manufacturer's way of making baths stupid proof... The point is, it should have been plenty warm. It broke my heart to watch his little lip quiver, so I moved a little faster as I scrubbed him down! Meanwhile, Alivya played in her fancy excer-saucer by Baby Einstein. She spins around and around making herself dizzy looking at every toy with same amount of shock and amazement each time around. Benji, who arrived back home on Thursday, laid in the middle of the kitchen floor. Protecting his "interest" I am sure. That being anything might affect him in anyway! When it was all over, we all went to play on the floor in the living room. Babies ate, and played, and were changed, and then sent to their room for a nap around 11:30... Finally a much needed break! I was able to read two whole chapters between loads of laundry, dishes (bottles) and lunch. It is the mere fact that I can survive days like today that remind me that we are all magicians in some way!

Well one baby cries... dinner time again!

No strings to hold me down.

Take a look at this picture, notice anything???


Taylor is finally off of his oxygen, and he is a very cute pumpkin. So is Alivya. The Oxygen cam off on Halloween, which makes it a nice, easy date to remember. We found the costumes at Walmart, and while their selection for 6 month old babies was terrible the Pumpkins still worked great. I love the little mittens. They did not actually go trick or treating, way to cold. They hung out on the future library floor while we handed out candy. There are not many kids that come by. I bought 5 bags of candy. I could have gotten away with 1. I ended up eating most of the Snickers and Reese Peanut Butter Cups. It's only once a year, what the hell.

Alivya likes to surf too, and it is very cute as well.

It has been a while...

Keeping up with twins is as much work as it is fun. Alivya is starting to move around a lot more, getting more and more mobile, and it is very fun to watch. She is also very content, which is a blessing when you have twins. We could leave her in her bed for hours after she wakes up and she would never cry.

Taylor, on the other hand. Just started crying again. He sleeps well during the night, but he tends to be a bit fussy during his daytime nap. We recently replaced his G tube with a J G tube, which means he can now be feed into his stomach or directly in to his Jejunum, better known as his intestine. He does need to be feed continuously for 18 hours a day, but the fact that he no longer vomits formula is worth it.

He is also getting more active. He kicks a lot, as well as rolls from side to side. He has yet to roll over, which I personally think has something to do with the tube not feeling so good while he is on his stomach. He is getting better on his stomach, holds his head up more, and just overall seems to be gaining strength. Now he is giggling, and staring at the computer monitor, wondering what the hell I am doing. It seems very intriguing to him. He is very close to coming off of the oxygen finally. He is currently on 1/32 of a liter, which in decimal is 0.03125. Barely anything. I doubt the actual percent concentration of oxygen is that much more than 21.

Tom and Taylor

So pics...

Ok, so it has been a while since we posted anything because we have been soooo very busy! Jon's brother tied the old knot last month, which kept us all very busy:) Lets not mention the fact that Alivya and I both came down with pneumonia (and Taylor's nurse...), and Jon spent a lot of time on the road. It has been absolutely crazy around here. Anyway, COGRATS to Greg and Sonja!

In between all the craziness, I have been working on digitalizing the Stanis family photos... it has been a lot of fun (and work ;) I have always said that Alivya looks more like her uncle Greg than either of us... now I have proof... Can you identify which of these babies is Alivya and which is Greg?



Ok, so maybe it is not impossible... but you have to admit that they are pretty damn alike!

Forgiveness

This morning Jon is off working in Milwaukee, and I am here alone with the babies. I think this is the first time that I have been left alone with them without expecting that anyone is going to come to my rescue. As I laid in bed last night planning out my strategy for the day, I was thinking about how ridiculous it is to feel a need to be rescued from one'’s own children. I am sure that I am not the first to feel this way, nor the last, but it reminded me about how difficult it is to simply enjoy having them. We spend so much time worrying about everything that I think many of the little enjoyable moments do not even have a chance to happen. So as I finally drifted off to sleep, I made myself a promise to spend more time just enjoying the fact that I have two beautiful gifts.


So this morning I had each one in a bouncer in front of me, giggling and laughing. They were both so good I just could not believe it. When I am home alone I like to have background noise, keeps me from getting paranoid! So after the Today Show went off, the network was playing the Montel Williams Show. He had on this psychic woman, who I might add was such a fraud. Anyway, she went along telling everyone in the audience that their specific lost loved one was with them and that every decision they ever made was the right one and that their lives were headed towards bliss and ease... blah, blah, blah... What caught my attention, though, was a woman who had a baby at 24 weeks 1 day. She wanted to know if she made the right decision to withdraw support and allow her baby to die. Just as this psychic woman started with her usual antics, I looked down at Taylor and burst out into tears. I often wonder if we have chosen right for him. Especially during those shrieking tantrums he has. I worry that they are an unconscious reaction caused by brain damage, which could have been from any one of the risky treatments we decided to proceed with, or the early birth, or even the six weeks he spent with out amniotic fluid. Anyway, so I am bawling my eyes out, and I look down at him, and he has the biggest smile I have ever seen looking back at me. It was as if to say that it is okay. That he is okay, and that I should forgive myself for whatever I have been bitterly holding over my own head.

I don'’t know if all my guilt is gone, or if when he screams and cries the next time I won't feel the same way, but I feel some hope that I might one day forget. (as so many people have told me that I will.)




A few weeks ago I was elated when I was playing with Alivya on the floor, during the much hated and resented “"Tummy time". She looked up at me all angry and suddenly just flopped over onto her back! I was so excited that I wanted to make an announcement on CNN or something so the whole world could know. I kept flipping her over and cheering her on to do it over and over again... Later that day, my dad came over. I said, "Grandpa, do you want to see my new trick?" I picked Alivya up, set her on the floor... and said, "show Grandpa your new trick!" She looked up at me and started crying... finally she laid her head on the floor and went to sleep. She was not going to show anyone that trick for a while. With the help of my nephew, I was able to capture the footage on video about a week later, but I am afraid that this is one trick that she intends to keep to a small following for a while! In the time since that first day, she has only done it a handful of times, and with a lot of coaxing by me!

Alivya now weighs almost 12 pounds, and she eats 6 to 8 ounces per bottle. She sleeps from around 8 or 9pm until 6 to 7am (except for today when she wanted to sleep in... I woke her up at 8:30!) Her favorite thing to do is talk baby with whomever will listen. Her least favorite thing is still tummy time, but she is getting used to the fact that I still make her do it. She has finally out grown all of her preemie outfits, and is nearly out of newborn. 0-3 month outfits generally still fit okay, but probably not for long! If I were going to buy her an outfit, I would probably buy small 6-9 month outfits, or big 3-6 month outfits. Right now I have her in number 1 diapers, but she will be graduating to number 2s soon.

Taylor now weighs almost 13 pounds (as of last Friday, so he may be over already!) He sleeps from 7:30/8pm until 6/7am also, but he sleep less soundly. Last night, I am proud to say, he didn'’t have any alarms! Hurray! His favorite thing to do is suck on his thumb (which they both finally found this week!) His least favorite things is having the cannula in his nose, poor guy. I wouldn'’t like that either. He outgrew his preemie cloths months ago, and I am not sure he ever wore newborn, but I think he is in a solid 3-6 month size. He has been wearing number 2 diapers for over a month, but I think this size might fit him for a little bit yet! Taylor'’s oxygen requirements are usually between .25 and .5 liters to keep him saturating above 90%. He is offered a bottle with every feed during the day, but his response to it is all over the board. We are trying different nipples and positions. So we just have to wait and see what he does.

So, everyday, things get a little bit better even if we don'’t feel like it does.
(and even if there are purple dinosaurs on our TV! ;)

A Wedding

So we went to a wedding this Saturday. One of Julies cousins. She has more than we can count, so we tend to go to a lot of weddings. Anyways, there is never a better time to dress up babies than when going to a wedding.

Look, they do smile.....

The Horror

There.... there is a purple dinosaur on my TV......

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO......................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6 Months

On June 30th the babies were six months old. In five days, they will be three months adjusted. As we move into the time period where many big milestones generally await us, I am nervous. During months three to six (adjusted) the babies should roll over, sit up, giggle, babble, and begin scooting or crawling motions. Seems like a lot to me. It doesn't help that as I sit here typing this they are both sound asleep. Neither interested in anything going on in the world around them. How is it that they suddenly make such leaps and bounds when for the past six months they pretty much just ate and slept... and cried...?

I have been assured that both of them are showing "good" signs. Something about Alivya batting at toys and Taylor wanting to put our fingers in his mouth. There are good things happening, but is it enough? Part of what is scary about it is the fact that we have encountered so many obsticals so far, and in my estimation, we have beaten many of the odds. So are we running out of such luck? The other part is knowing that decisions we made early on have had a big role in how the next three months will play out for them. It is sort of like unlocking a chest that you found in the attic after having a long journey to find the right key. Maybe now that we found the key, we don't want it. Now that we can open the chest and see what is inside, I suddenly don't want to know.

And yet there is a certain level of excitement in reaching this stage. I am so ready for the babies to start progressing from newborns to infants. I hear so many people talk about wishing their children were newborns again... but I don't feel the same. Something about have newborns for six months is really exhausting. I know that most mother's newborn stage is not nearly as intense as ours, but even so, I can't see myself wishing that they were newborns any longer. I think that nature knows that we can't handle newborns more than three to six months... so it compensates by making that period short... otherwise no one would want to have more children, and life would die... ok maybe not so dramatic... the point is that we are ready for rolling over and sitting up and discovering toys and ways to occupy their own minds for short periods of time.

So here is to milestones... and once again for the better odds.